Reviews for One and One Doesn't Equal Two

Reviews For: One and One Doesn't Equal Two

Noihseret 2006-06-23 ch 1,	abusewow. you capture characters very well. write more please!
Eric Lupin 2005-11-22 ch 1,	abuseLol! This story rocks1 Youshould really update it! I wanna see what happens! Ooh, I love the name 'Lance', ever since 'Lance the Dragon Master' in the Pokemon series... I'm not sad! And Garet, since Garret out of Thief. Hm, I know! There's Chris from Resident Evil, am I correct? Wow, what wicked names your characters have! (All the better for thinks, um, wheels turning writing about! Yeah!) Please, update! For the love of all that is good in the world!
Derek57 2005-11-12 ch 1,	abuseRobo-baby...why must you condem us with so much hassle! anyway. brilliant story and I loved reading it, actually I think I'll read it again...and again...If I'd known about your Fiction Press account I would have checked it out earlier! I hope you update this one soon. Nyviay x
Da KeR MySteRr 2005-09-14 ch 1,	abuseawesome! I like it and you better update -shakes fist- oh and I posted some of my poems! -smiles- and i got three revies already! woot! okies well err umm uhh toodles!!
Reyavie 2005-09-10 ch 1,	abuseHey Shadray (you don't need to run away now. rolls eyes). I came to see what was happening in this site and I've found your review. Thanks so much for your words ;) This account is very recent and I've opened it to place my poems hence why you didn't know about it grins and xangas are the best. At the time I was feeling like that. My Bro and I had a round and this was what came of it. shrugs Glad you like it About your story (duh) I can say that it's a very good begining, the nina girl needs a dose of reality, chris a smack in the head for those last thoughts and that I am thanking that I never had to do something like this. Poor Rianna. So do continue because I'm really curious to see where you're going with this. See ya, Reyavie
Amy 2005-08-23 ch 1, anon.	abuseIt's very interesting, shayrad. ;-). Anyway, u did not have to make the popular ** be named nina. that was uncalled for. but other than that, keep it up, i like it!
Donna H 2005-08-20 ch 1, anon.	abuseWow!You've definitely caught my attention...so what happens next between Chris and Rianna? Extremely well written for a first story! Excellent use of descriptive language to paint a picture of each scene (I now know a little more about the hair color of the girls than I needed too...is there anything else distinguishing about each girl?) I love your use of dialog...would like to see you take that to another level. For example, I'd love to see each character's personality come out in the dialog. With work I should be able to have a good idea about whose talking without you telling me. Try making something unique about the way each person communicates (stutter, stammer, drops ending sounds) a phrase consistently used by the person ("He was like...") , a style or slang (Yo, man..) OR, try adding a unique mannerism to each character. I saw the "bad" language. I felt your point...but, a really good author will find a way to communicate the same sentiment without the profanity. I think you've got the potential to do the same. Finally, keep up the good work! Consider looking for a creative writing workshop to attend at a local (or out of state) college next summer. You would pick up some tips and fit right in! Love, Donna
Sirius 2005-08-12 ch 1, anon.	abuseHi! This story is really good, Shadray- san! ^^
destroyed perfection 2005-08-10 ch 1,	abuseI really like this story. It's very realistic. I can picture it in my mind. Sheesh, I would've killed one of those ** if it were me or at least chucked a book at them.(which I have...good times.) Poor rianna she's going to be tormented by those girls all because of a project. It's kind of odd that there are exactly 16 boy and girls. I don't like Chris. He's probably going to slack off just because he has a smart partner. Of course, I'm judging way too early in the story. Keep writing. I like it so far.
RoseSama35 2005-08-09 ch 1,	abuseYAY! You have a story up! So happy for you! Okay, but moving right along, wonderful names you've come up with, my particular favorite being the ** Squad! That one's the best! Okay, question: If you want to enter a classroom quietly, why would you bother knocking? Yeah, I think I can tell why Rianna isn't popular: She isn't too bright, is she? lol Sounds like someone I know! Something tells me that I might not like this Mr. Parker, he seems like a stiff, like on of those adults that you'd see on Kids Next Door that have serious stress issues and a crush on the lady at the front desk in the main office. I bet he's gonna be one of those types. My own health teacher was also the basketball coach, and he was cool. So I feel sorry for these poor students. Methinks Rianna might have to go into the witness protection program after the school day is over, what with all of those glares that the girls were giving her. I hope she can run fast, hehe! As far as storyline goes, you're doing really good so far. I did notice that with that one guy who was obssesed with his Algebra book, you speeled his name one time "Jared" and then a second time "Garet", so you should probably fix that before too many people become confused. Otherwise, everything looks awesome so far! Right about now, this is the part where the reviewer (that'd be me) begs the writer (that'd be you) to update the story soon so they will be able to continue to indulge themselves in the wonderful story that they have become inthralled in. I...am not going to do that! Instead, I shall do an Irish jig and be on my way! Dances around while Lepricons laugh evily ~RoseSama35~ Love&Peace and world domination to your Queen!P.S: please update soon!
JACKiE 2005-08-08 ch 1, anon.	abusei like this story ! its really cute ! ahha UPDATE =]
Elana 2005-08-08 ch 1, anon.	abuseYo Ray. The story looks interesting. Truthfully I think it's a little cliche, BUT I know you're a good writer so I know the story will be good. Nothing else to say but one thing. Nina? Interesting name choice. wink wink Okay that's all I'm saying. Bye!

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