This could be turned into a song without any trouble! When I was reading this I saw a music video flash before my eyes. I like the line "When there was nothing I could do... I lost you..." Then it goes on and then you just snap out of it and the wheels keep on turning.

Yay! Good job. Really like this one. Alot of fun!

I really liked this one. Wondeful imagery, and a fascinating idea.