Wow if this is what you do for fun I have got to see what you do when your really intent on writting a story. I think this is going to have to go on my favorites list i know its only the first chapter but i alredy want to know what is going to happen. I don't even think i could have any critisism for you other than at one time you put my as m y other than that i really hope you keep this story going because if you do you will deffently have me as a reader.