 dawningfear 2005-10-16 . chapter 1Stealth disco. Oh dear. Possibly the most un stealthy thing one could do, and it's called stealth disco. Neat idea of an obsession. The introduction to his attack worked quite well. The cry of "STEALTH DISCO" was a little unrealistic, but I'll let ya get away with it because it was quite funny to imagine ^^. This piece really did work out quite well, though the gang fight resolution felt a little forced, as did waltz girl asking him out. To make it more organic, perhaps make him notice the gang before bursting into dance (on his way to the museum, for example) and perhaps have him run into waltz girl in a place other than his hotel room (perhaps on a return trip to talk to the curator?). Also, instead of writing things such as "trying not to let his confusion trickle into his voice..." use active description instead. Show the readers he's confused instead of telling us he is. Maybe throw in some fidgetty awkward silence type gestures, ie: scratching, room scanning, brow knitting...In any case, really cute piece, quite entertaining. Keep on. |
 Artima Hadanna 2005-08-27 . chapter 1Dude, I really have to see that video of stealth disco. Maybe even try it. And people say I'm a recluse, so it should be more the shock. Excellent!
~ 'Tima |
 I Dance In The Rain 2005-08-18 . chapter 1Thanx for editing my crap for me! Ha ha. I mean, thanx for editing chapter 16. :P |
 Treg 2005-08-11 . chapter 1haha, u should continue this, its hilarious! |
 Iren 2005-08-11 . chapter 1Lmao, that was possibly the funniest stories I have ever read. -falls out of the chair laughing- Okay, am I the only person that thinks of Jentucky Fried Kchicken with the mention of JFK? I hope you wrote some other stories! -goes to check- -Irene- |
 Typesour 2005-08-11 . chapter 1 I love it! A guy who is obsessed with stealth disco is now a trait my future husband better have. heh. Is it weird that I do find that hot? Anyways, you're brilliant. Hope you got an A. |
 A-Train 2005-08-11 . chapter 1 Wow...That was...odd. Ha ha. I was kind of confused for a while because I didn't really understand waht was going. But then I read the A/N. Wow Robin. Good job. Ha ha. It was definetely...unusual. |
 pen-ink 2005-08-11 . chapter 1What can I say? Awesome story. :-) |
 Indie Tangles 2005-08-11 . chapter 1Aw! Tons of cuteness after the vauge and sad Uncle poem. I love them both. I salute you, Super Disco Man! |