you're ryhming somehow worked with you in this poem. I felt very touched knowing that in this stupid world, many feel the same way. Good job.

Just read this and "empty soul."Both were interesting, and the last line of this poem was especially evocative.

I like the different sound devices you use, chiefly the assonance at the end of some lines. I think both of these would make intriguing songs (In a angsty, Evanescence sort of way).

David

Okay, I hope you don't mind that I might be a little harsh here.

First impression: Hmm. I can understand what you're going for.

I was a bit confused by your rhyming-sometimes you did, sometimes you didn't. It would be easier to read if you kept it constant.

Grammar: "I’dof thoughtyou’d be happy" **have, not of. Many people make that mistake... :-/ And did you mean to run it together? If you wanted to run something together, a better place might be "WasisTHAThardtoloveme?", which would leave a feeling that it's hard for you to say, but you feel you have to say it, and to say it quickly would be less painful.

I think that with this poem, using verses would be better than not (ShiftEnter single-spaces it). They would help the reader be able to digest more of it and to keep your thoughts more organized.

On the whole, it's a great display of emotion. Good job ) Keep writing!