A very interesting chapter - lolz, I agree with granddad! Cameron is sweet - inspite of the Neville-like-nervousness radiating from him I enjoy him.

" Father’s need for her, I could not jeopardize my own plans for her"
You repeat her. It sounds ... not so lovely.
Repetitive words bug me. Sorry. ;]

I wonder why she is so 'black'. She doesn't seem evil or anything.

Aww, she kissed him. :D

She sounds really pretty.
And David sounds kind of cheesey.
Haha.

Good job. I'll definately be waiting for more!

"The girl who named herself Elise smiled slightly"
That statement sounded ironic to me, regaurding the whole thing. :]

"everything I was belonged to father"
That sentance is awkward.

I'm looking foreward to the rest of this because it does not quite make sense.
I thought Odette was the Swan Princess? I wonder how "Odette" Elise plays in to this with Odile. once again, great job!

Aww.
I loved the Swan Princess when I was little. :]
it was sad. :[

"Did he ever think of the one he already had?"
I really like that sentance.

Aw, I love how he called her Odile. :] That's cute.


I really liked this chapter also!

I think that the conversation in the garden was about choppy though. A stranger came and then they bantered and she made him leave. When she randomly yelled, No it seemed a little out of place, maybe? I don't know.

But this was good otherwise.
It's really odd that Elise got sucked in.
Is she not ready to be the keeper? Is that what the keepers do? :]

Elise has never been dizzy in her whole life? That's sort of a skeptical part.

This chapter was really good.
You have a way of keeping me want more. :]

Not much critisism here. I wonder who the girl is?

Reviewing as I go along.

So far I really like your style.

Ooh, I was expecting it to be her grandfather that died till I put some peices together. Nice twist.

"That’s when she’d screamed.

Elise told her mind to shut up."
That transition is sort of awkward.
When Elise goes back to reality I didn't realize that; I thought she was still flashing back.

this was really good.
nice job.
It's very intruiging.
Nice job! If you're not busy, R&R my story- Annemisu?
If not that's fine. I'll finish reading this later. :]

Wow, I am absolutely in love with the character of Odile. You've managed to make everything about her so objective, that no matter how many times she says she's black inside, I can't help but see things from her point of view. Meanwhile, I'm really worried about Elise. You've successfully made your reader make an emotional investment. Bravo! When's Chapter 6 coming?

Hi Islandbreeze! I missed this story a lot. I love how you play with Elise's and Dilee's points of view. It's still very ambiguous how Elise acts/thinks about the man. Exactly what part does Dilee play? That's what motivates me to keep turning the page. I can tell Dilee is starting to feel some emotion toward her father, even if it's dark.

I for one found it to be a nice twist when the girl turned out to be Elise. I was expecting Elise to be Dilee, and the girl to perhaps be Elise's mother. The castle setup is a bit confusing to me, so it might help to describe it a little more, somehow. With the way her father is, it seems unlikely a boy would have been able to sneak about unnoticed. He is also the only other person that has been mentioned thus far. Are there lots of people in this castle?

I finally trudeged through that bloody 45 paged chapter I was reading.

Anyway, this story just gets weirder and weirder. I love it for that, mind you. You are doing a good job of writing a character, who thinks that she is a monster or evil, but she really isn't. I like this best out of your stories, mind you.

Heyla. I didn't find as much to offer CC on in this chapter. The only complaint I could have is when Elise realizes it's four, you don't specify AM or PM. If I had read the chapters back to back, I might have realized it was AM, but since I didn't (and had forgot it was the middle of the night,) I got lost when she started going to sleep right after that (at which point I went... oh, AM, gotcha.)The line "But she dreamed of swans," was marvelous. It adds a sense of wonder and mystery that really helps bolster the tale.Also, I love how your story is written so much differently than the book she is reading, so keep that up. I'll be back again in a day or two to continue. Be well till then! :)

I feel sort of sorry for her, everything seems to go hard for her. I hope you update soon, because this is really very*very good. So please update soon. ^.~

-Lacy

I like how in the ending, she talks of how she feels that her father owns everything, including her. Nice portray of emotions

*How much more perfect could it get, fairytale within a story. I love that. Thanks for all those reviews by the way, I loved them, especially since now I understand what parts of the story need tuning up. But back to your story. I can't wait to see how the plot unfolds especially since it's like two stories, one within the other, *brilliance.

~Lacy

Great chapter...If I haven't said it already this is a great story. Sorry about the pathetic review. I'll have to work on that. Anyway this was a perfect chapter, written imaculately with all the decription.

~Lacy