This is one of the ones I was looking forward to reading. You definitely didn't let me down. :D I'm glad you didn't immediately have them snog away like in some yaoi stories. Very sweet. Can't wait to read more.

This work is newer than DKSD&G right? I'm at least feeling that, because your style has improved. You still lack in environment description and also in character description. I'm just not getting the picture when reading it. When you start a story: Don't give background, rather create an image, because it makes imagining the story from there much easier. Let the happenings come in through dialogue, monologue, or actual happenings, however you want it. If you're giving information that you feel is not that important, it's okay to just narrate it, but don't start out doing that. Or: If you're gonna narrate like you've done, don't start out giving the image and then start narrating. The worse thing with that is that it makes you seem amateurish. One thing that's good with you is your ability in grammar and spelling, gotta love that. I'm also getting a sense of the characters, that's good ^^ I don't understand the thing with you and repetetive language, you're a native English speaker, you should write a hundred times better than me when it comes to variety, but I'm not seeing any. It almost feels like I'm reading the same sentence over and over again. You possess a trait I don't: You can write long chapter, applauses to that XD You're again forgetting about feelings, just writing what was done and what happened. Perhaps I get that feeling because you focus solely on the happenings and nothing else, just the straight storyline going forward. To write about other things but what the characters are doing is not only bringing variety and stopping the reader from boredom, it also fills out and makes it longer. You also earn points for the sparkling creativity, I just, AGAIN, wish I could see inside your head how that bar for instance looks like, because I'm not seeing it. Great chapter! Continue writing this!

I agree with a couple other people that reviewed this--the story seems to be going pretty fast, especially with Toby going from someone paranoid of UV rays to getting in a complete stranger's car for an hour long drive.

But it really is an interesting story, I like it a lot.

aww, Im beginning to like this story all ready! Please continue!

First of all...if I was Toby, I would be really mad at William for flaunting around his money and whatever lol.

I think Toby was sort of stupid for just going in the car with William and agreeing to go somewhere with him, not knowing where. But that's just me.

For some reason I LOVE LOVE LOVED "either boy brandishing a blush and a smile." I thought that was so cute. And the William saying “You remind me of how I was when I first kissed a guy.” That was adorable too.

I think this is the longest review I've ever written...so I'm going to say bye-bye... So bye-bye and great job with this. Can't wait to read more so update soon.

I like it. The only thing that really bothers me however, is how fast everything went. I mean, if I had just met a guy, even if he did treat me to drinks and a pizza, I would never step into his car for a drive that was about an hour a way. I wouldn't step in it at all actually. And he wasn't even drunk either, I think he's a little to trusting suddenly for someone who was paranoid of UV rays on his shirt. But other than that, it was good. I look forward to further updates.