It's alright, all-in-all. I think it's a little prose-ish. It sounds kind of like something that a character in Shakespeare would whisper "fiercely and hotly" to themselves while they crouch in a corner plotting what kind of poison to kill somebody with. I still like it, though.

I felt the emotion in that. I really loved it, and at the same time wooed for the meaning of it. I really am not to good at commenting others work and truly I either say I like it or I don't, and I really Liked this one out of a lot of Poetry I read. I am being honest at what I say and I just can't explain what I felt, but emotion.

Interesting...yet relevant to some extent in some experiences in my life. Keep writing

Dark, sad, bewitching. "I sseek to take his last breath" Very powerful.