   Eyes Unclouded 2005-09-05 . chapter 1Aw, I wrote a huge review for this before but the website malfunctioned and I lost it! Must write it again...
This was so cute. But it was a letter - maybe it should have been something like a series of messages left on an answering machine, or the writer could have made a videotape instead (because I'm not sure someone would *write* like this).
But, it was so adorable! Can't say it enough. The song Elizabeth remembered, and the sad story about that friend dying, were great details. The last line - "(And on Saturday I loved you because you gave me such a beautiful kiss while saying - Goodnight)" - was fabulous. But I don't think you need that black roses part, because that really *is* like saying goodbye, a very hurtful goodbye to Nicholas, I think. I would feel so bad if someone said, "Rem, bring black roses to my grave" because that would mean never seeing them again until they die...wouldn't it? So sad. Dramatic. Love it.
Write another chapter! Tell me what *Nicholas* has to say about all this. |
 dry sherry 2005-08-18 . chapter 1Wow. You're bloody awesome! I cannot believe you reviewed almost EVERYTHING I uploaded! - Dude, you must be bored out of your mind there in Turkey. On that thought: DAMN! I'm going to have to take Elif's name out of "Immersion" T.T and thank you for the solution to the religion problem (I will, as promised, continuously praise you - starting with your eyes. . .but I'm sure you'd rather get a review, first, so let's get on with this). Loved how you concentrated with "We" and sheesh this character seems mentally unstable (just how I like 'em ^.~). Haha~ "the 'point' of this letter (which might be considered **)" -> HAHAHAHAHAHA! ! ! Man, I ADORED that! Anyway, wow. Every emotion is just so powerful, and the reader can just FEEL this in the way that Elizabeth is floundering for a way to say it - and it's so powerful that she *can't* say it and that's just the beauty of the thing. And the parentheses are just bloody brilliant, and add so much to it. . . though would someone really include parentheses like that in a letter? - but I like to think of this as something she was drafting in her head, with the parentheses as just the thoughts to herself. I also like to think that she did not actually send this letter. She sounds like she's trying to convince herself that it's the end, and that's just heart-wrenching (ex, "At least we had a good couple of laughs. Right? Right. Right. Right."). And the memories were so sad, and ever so bittersweet. Ah, and the reason for the breakup (and therefore the remorse and the bitterness and the was-I-right-after-all-ness) appears. Just a small detail. She write "The accident wasn't your fault (I knew)". Key word: KNEW. As in: past tense. Did you mean that intentionally, or was it supposed to be "know". I can't decide which I like better, because the "knew" makes the reader think a wee bit more. Also: "I kind of needing someone to explode on" -> NEED. Oh my god. The part where she writes "When-*when*" and then she stops because it's just too hard and she needs to rely on the parentheses is just so moving and heartbreaking. Gah, "I like you and I love you once" -> you wrote this in a hurry, didn't you? In your little air condition-less Turkish place? Tsk tsk. Pay attention to the tense, darling, and make it past tense ("liked" "loved"). Haha~ Black roses is just a touch that is entirely, utterly just YOU. But, she died. "(And on Saturday I loved you because you gave me such a beautiful kiss while saying - Goodnight)" -> Oh. My. God. gasp. Oh. My. God. You're just so evil, it's not even funny. That one sentence says so much, and it just sums up the entire thing perfectly and I just, oh, I love the words! |
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