Crap, it cut off some of my point lol. Well, with the "I'll get you", my point was that just cutting the amount of letters you have, especially for the "you", would be more effective and still get across the same point without being overkill. But that might just be my opinion.


Anyway, great story. :)

Hey, this is Glory Nizenea from StoryWrite. I was just re-reading this chapter and wanted to say -damn-, what the hell is with this story that can make my stomach grumble and then ache all during the same chapter? First with the chicken and cake in this chapter, then the graphic description of the pizza/chicken/breaksticks/etc while they're in the hotel. You have no idea how much I was jonesin' for Pizza Hut after that! Of course, Tom just has to come and ruin it. :| Almost completely lost my appetite after that (in a good way, lol).

Anyway, brill chapter, it's one of my favorites. The blood wave and the moaning bodies warning Jimmy, the surprise birthday party, Tom attacking and Renkle encouraging Jimmy's tirade at school... well, to put it lightly, this chapter fucking rocks my socks. :)

Though, the only concrit I really have is the unending "I'l get you" is really, really overkill, hahah. I'd probably take out a few of the letters for the published draft if you haven't already -- a simple "I'l get you" would suffice and get across the feeling that Tom's voice is dwelling in Jimmy's head and heart as he exits the mansion. Creepy visual, I just think the drawl is overkill that can be easily fixed if you're willing. :)

Well, that's all. Love the story, as mentioned a million times before. Humbly awaiting a sequel, a publish date, or another draft, whichever happens next.

Wow, man. It's weird to see this thing finally finished, huh? At least before you get into any Eddie Ting. =P

I see your point now about this chapter being post-climax, but I think you set the stage here for a lot; the weight Jimmy will have to carry concerning the revelation he's had about his father and himself, the further oddness of what Ichoria and its denizens mean to him, and just where his relationship with Bethany is going. These are all things that have a feeling of urgent "Tell me maor naow!" to them.

The ending worked very well, too. The change in mood and where you leave us hanging make for an excellent cliffhanger.

Aside from all of this, congratulations, man. This is quite an accomplishment. Really. Jimmy the Exploder is amazingly detailed, written with much love and care, and a fun concoction of all sorts of bizarre shit. You've been aiming for this as long as I've known you. Pretty mind-blowing, huh? =o

...Second book better not suck. XD

Confront Pt. II:

"Jimmy was vaguely aware that there were calcium crumbs trickling through his hair, some of them catching in the blood caked there..."

First off, awesome line. And it rhymes! And "calcium crumbs". Nice.

Corpse volley. Sweet.

"Scarlet-splattered sideshow". Also sweet. =D

"...scattered about like the mislaid toys of a Cro-Magnon child..." Heh. Your talent for always amazes me, Maldy.

"Carmine cougar" is a good one, too. Makes me think of The Roman. XD

"I get it now, he thought dazedly, realization striking him even through his fatigue, as it was immediately apparent as to why Renkle had chosen to apply a certain infuriating epithet on the Bastard, for his physiology was oddly reminiscent of a gorilla’s."

So... shouldn't he be called 'The Ape'? But I guess White Stripes didn't write that one. =P

The Monkey sounds BAD. ASS.

“I’m sorry, did you just kindly insist that, yes, I should indeed blow your teeth so far down your throat they slice your spine? Is that what you’re telling me? ‘Cause I can make that magic happen.” XD Nice.

Hmm. Maybe a few too many one-liners, Maldy. =o

Electrolyte? =P

I like the different descriptions of the lightshards.

"Gave away" or "Gave way"?

What? The Monkey's got TWELVE eyes? Musta missed that...

Oh, thirteen. =P

Mirror Jimmy eye explody. NICE.

The Monkey:

YES! That weird nothingness vision RULED! A possibly human Tom? Shattering apart into a blood flood? And then a freakin' Dune reference? That scene is boner-inspiring! >=D

...*at loss for words* The bloodtunnel and this Zahandszabael thing were both awesome, too. The things it said were expertly chosen, man. Very creepy vibe.

Uh-oh! Jimmy's got the Monkey virus! Or Rage, maybe. *Cough28DaysLatercough*

Uh... what? Renkle kinda just came outta nowhere. And the way it's written seems to imply he's already been announced as present... *scratches head* Also, he seems a bit "h" happy. Don't remember them being *quite* as numerous before.

Ah, spotted the one eye color drop. Aquarmarine. ;)

Ah, another lockscar. Nice. You can coin that, if'n you like. Or maybe scarlock. Meh. Your story. XD

Dude, this last chap in particular, bravo. Very... just... GREAT. I'd even say iconic.

*Oliver Twist* Please, sir, I want some more.

Jimmy finally kills Tom. Nice twist, though. Now let's have Jimmy kill some more assholes.

Your writing is phenomenal!

Awsome, keep udating!

About time you update. So, Jimmy's planning to kill Dad and have his way with Mommeh? Freud was right, I guess.

Sweet! I'm the 100th review! =D Did ya ever doubt it?

Nice descriptions on the bedroom. Particularly liked "ruined blossom of glass and plastic" for the TV. Also the bit about its guts coming out of its face. Apply that to a human now. How awesome would THAT be? XD Also like the detail of the torn comics, the list of artists and glimpses of characters.

Tom sounds majorly fucked up. Love the Elephant Man reference, though wasn't his name Joseph Merrick or something? But maybe you're referencing that wacky Hopkins movie. =D

...Ever notice how the "=D" smiley also looks like the head of a penis? XD Anyway...

The "swamp-throat gurgle" bit reminds me of "Father's Day" from the Creepshow movie. "Where's my cake, Bedelia?!" XD

Hmm. Being a bit of a Grammar Nazi here, but typically the term "hiss" is used only when someone has said something wherein the "s" sound occurs. Nothing Tom says in that specific piece of dialogue has that, so "hissed" feels out of place to me.

Didn't know what the fuck a vicuna was... then I wikied it and hey, nice touch. ;)

Tom's new arm sounds awesomely Resident Evil. >=D Is it a glimpse of his true form?

Wow. For some reason that teeth-licking bit of Tom's is REALLY FUCKING CREEPY. That'd be great to see Bacon do, eh? =D

"Icicle lizards"?! Goddamn it, you're brilliant. You're the motherfucking Salvador Dalí of Words.

Few possible typos here;

"Get on the offensive, keep him on his toes-just do anything *but than run away.*" & "Jimmy didn't heed this advice for another six feet, by which time he had effectively *run out of hallway.*"

In a boy's case, it would be just be "blond", no?

HOLY SHIT. O_O Corpse flood! >=D

Dude. AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME chapter. I really don't know what words to use. It was great. I love the Monster version of Tom. Can't wait for the next chap.

--Me--

holy crap, son. this is sheer maniacal genius and I've only finished the first three chapters. you, and this story, are awesome.

You've kept us waiting for this long, Matteh, for another cliffhanger? Let's see Jimmeh and Dad get it on!

Oh noes... Alice iz awakes! =O And hmm! Good idea taking a peek back at Alice and Ami.

...Nice bit about the womb. ;) Best bedroom a person ever gets in their life. All dark and warm and squishy. Ah, I miss da belly-bed.

Matt. For serious. It's getting to the point that to reference my favorite part of a chapter, I have to pretty much slap quotation marks around whole chunks of text. XD

WTF. You introduced a pair of envelopes and didn't even call them that until two paragraphs (so to speak) later! How do you do that??

El-oh-el. Where'd all the vowels in your sound FX go? =D

Great imagery of the inside of the house. I particularly like how the fallen chandelier casts the place in weird, distorted shadows.

Head-vault-radio idea is cool. Jimmy's getting better at handling himself.

"Bloodthirsty zeppelins" sounds so, so, SO Blood Brothers.

Again, awesome imagery, man. The 'cavernous' entrance hall rocks.

Uh ohes! Typo, Malders. >=D "Might it broadcast his position even as it receieved the weight of sins?" It's RECEIVED.

Yeah. Get yer Daddeh, Chimmeh!

Goddamn it, I keep forgetting to remember to not forget that Jimmy's still in his cast. XD

Brain-beast! Look out!

"A smorgasbord of toothy, sneery grins". Nice.

"Crystal corpse"?? "Ivory scimitar smiles"?! I HATE YOUSE. x_X

"Hi, mom…I guess you’re awake about now, huh?" Something about that interspersed with Jimmy wandering the house makes for awesome creepiness.

Wall-blood! Sweet!

"Red-ink Rorschach" wins an award. XD "Scarlet sunburst" gets an honorable mention.

Ha! "Going Kill Bill" is now officially a term. =D

Nega-Jimmy/Manager in bloodpool reflections? ZOMG AWSUM.

Bloodsun!

Uh ohoes... o_O

Hmm... Tom's (sorta) re-entry seems to be on par in the "Oh shit!" factor as Jimmy's encounter with the Giant Bug Trio. Nice job of really keeping him a true threatening force in the story, even after getting his arm exploded.

"Glass landmine" is another good one.

I like the lyrical quality of the "traps and trips"/"fleas and ticks" bit.

"Organic glitter" is good, too.

Nice! An IT reference! =D

Jesus Christ, Matty. What a hell of a build-up! Again, you can put real life into the mundane and apparently, you can give it suspense, too.

Tartarus reference. Also cool.

"Eldritch"! Lovecraft's favorite word, pretty much.

Eerie, floating lamp? Sweet!

Nice Oz reference, queer. >=D

"The Wild"? Is that more Maldy weirdness or an allusion of some sort?

Hmm... I think it's "blond" when in reference to a guy, right?

Wha? But, I... Where's the... You mean I have to wait until...

DAMN IT.

Dude, I need closure here! Get Part Two up ASAP! =D

In addition, I just wanna say WOW. This definitely looks like it took you some time and dedication. It shows. A lot. Great chap, man.

--dreamshell--

Whoa Maldonado. Some jewls in here for sure like, "and felt something red and angry uncurl inside him." Is really vivid and imaginative. I look forward to reading your future chapters, great job!

Well, right off the bat, that first paragraph of yours has some kickass metaphors. Also like the alliteration in the second paragraph with "barren boulevards" and "Pallin property". Wordsmith, you.

Long Black Tongue Road. Band name, anyone? ;)

"Painting twin circles of pale yellow-white light on the ground..." What the hell? I don't know how you do this mundane-to-interesting thing. And "Gaia's green ghosts" is, of course, awesome. Sounds like some superhero-y expression.

Your description of the House That Tom Built rocks. Even though it can't look anything like it, I'm reminded on Monster House nonetheless. XD Extra points for "pillar-teeth" and "vile vista".

Interesting that the house is now being portrayed anthropomorphically, meanwhile the Truck actually *is aware*. Kinda like that.

Hmm... what color does Ixi turn when she can't breathe? XD Probably all sorts of different ones.

"Origami construct of worry". Heh, more points.

Oh. "Pastel yellow", then. Well, makes sense... which is unusual for you.

Ah-ha! >=D Typo! "The only clue to his tension was the way his hand gripped (*the*) door's handle..."

"...Till our throats croak and we shit showtunes..." I love. :3 And boy, Jimmy loves thinkin' in idioms, eh? XD

Heh. Mirror Jimmy sounds like a Cynicool character at their most genial. Oh, yeah. Self-whore like whoa.

"Pissylegs?" More points!

"Granite skeleton"? "Micah muscles"? Damn. You sure took that 'chiseled' concept and ran with it. Nice! And boulder-hearts rock.

Nice bit there with Stone Cold Jimmy and Bethany. Mayhaps we're seeing a darker shade of Jimmy, possibly one more typical of his later years?

Bethany about to sing a verse from The Wizard of Oz? XD ...Oh, man, how gay is it that I made that reference? Bah, fuck it.

"Looking into them made him feel both ashamed and buoyed with summery heat, for they stirred up so much and yet he was able to say so little." That's a powerful sentence, I'll admit. Hard to believe it's in the same book that features buggy skullfucking. XD

Oh, cat's cradles! I get the string analogy, obviously, but all I can think of is Vonnegut.

Another typo? "Eitheh yeh come out on top, o’ yeh don’t come out (*at*) all."

Did he just say "I'll be right back"? Oh, shit! >_<

"Invisible nightmare fist". Even MORE points, sirra.

Should "overhang maw" be "overhung", or what?

"Chiaroscuro decision"? Man... you ass. I can't beat you. No way.

Nice chap, man. Still... get Jimmy inside that damn house! XD

--dreamshell--

Let's get the battle with daddeh on!