I could hear the music playing along with this. :) It had an interesting structure to it, sounded fine to me. Some the rhyming was pretty neat too, like in the last chorus.

Keep it up.

Sort of depressing. This poem sort of seemed to tell a story, but it was hard for me to work out what was really going on and get into the poem. Maybe add a few more hints for background.

I like the structure.

I love your work, and I've missed it.

♥ Devon

hey this was a great song. it has some nice rhyming in it. Keep it up