intriguing beginning!! please continue!!

Brilliantly written. And it seems like you had plenty of fun with it. You just need a little more action in the parts where there should be action going on. Like the fire, for instance, and even something before the fire to lead more up to where we're going.Are you continuing? I certainly hope so!Cheers!

Hmm...it is interesting. I think that you should have more of a lead-up to this chapter, though, and a more in-depth account of the fire, and of the escape of it. There are a lot of things that could make the story better.

I'm interested to know if you're continuing. I'll watch for another chapter!

Wow! That was really good... really intiguing! Keep writing, I wanna know what happens! Anyway, nice combination of description and dialogue. Great job!

! He stole her special bracelet!

Ok...now that I've dispelled that brief anger, I'll start the praise.

Excellent, I really enjoyed reading it. The emotion was conveyed well, the description slaked my reader's thirst, and the story was generally professional and poignant. My only nitpick is that Brian kissed Rayne quite suddenly, even though they barely know each other. Otherwise, this was great. Keep writing!