Reviews for The Sinister Wolf 2

Professor Curly
2006-02-12
ch 1,

abuseHm... The story itself seems good, if not a bit rushed. I haven't read the original, but...

Ok, I have several critiques for you right off the bat. You could do with some more description really. I have absolutely no idea what Blaze looks like. If it's explained in the first story fine, but it's a good idea to re-introduce characters with little breif descriptions at least from book to book to keep the reader involved. Also the settings could be described more as well.

Your point of veiw needs to be set as well. Half the story seems to be in first person, the other half seems to be in third. Things like this can get pretty confusing, especially when things like this happen:

"Thats my boy" Luster mutters to myself.

Eh... Ya, I'm sorry things like that don't make sense.

The story itself is a bit choppy too. One sentence transitions are generally not the way to go. It took me three read-throughs before I finally caught 'They gather the wood, setup there tents and just sit around the fire for awhile. they cook some food.'

I'm not telling you how to write your peice, but I think that this could've been elaborated a bit. Give some description, use sensory details. What did the place look like, was it cold, was it dark, was it wet, was the air fresh or stale, was there a wind blowing. Things like this may sound trivial, but they can determine a diamond from the rough.

And no offense, but only the beginnings of sentences and proper nouns should be uppercased, and they should be uppercased all the time.

This story has potential. I'll continue reading it. But make note, your writing could do with improvement.

God bless,-ProfessorCurly-

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