shaking with anticipation to untangle your august air limbs

to know if my legs my eyes my h/e/a/r/t

are still whole and my own

not halfed with a blue-eyed boy

barely holding the sky above his sanity with borrowed romantic ideals

faery tale endings i myself am too young to dissolve

oh gods. i realize i am practically quoting the whole poem back to you here, but... it's so DIFFERENT, there's no cliches or tired metaphors, it's striking & beautiful & just, just... i am in awe.

I'll just jump straight into it:

I think that the first metphor is good, but it doesn't fall into the next one at all. There's kind of break between the mother and the child, and then the push push push. A smoother transition would make this part of the poem more pleasant.

Not to say that it's unpleasant, though. The rest of the stanza is beautiful, especially 'to know if my legs my eyes my h/e/a/r/t' (don't like the slashes, just a knit-picky thing) '/ are still whole and my own/ not halfed with a blue-eyed boy/ barely holding the sky above his sanity...'

Very nice poem. The reason why I started reading this was becuase your profile sort of reminded me of me...so I just wanted to see how your poetry would turn out. Not dissapointed in the least. =)

the formatting, figurative language... never mind, i'm not going to list all the things i love in this. rest assured that i love it.

if i let loose when i wrote, my writing would sound a bit more like this. dammit. dammit dammit dammit.

Wow, I like. So deep and I love the imagery.

There's a certain simple beauty in this piece. I love the images and flow... everything about it is wonderful. Welcome back from writers block.

everything is blurry, for me, but i like that. the meaning, maybe it's just me, is not too sure, but again, you have mesmerizing lines! just so quotable, it takes my breath away.

I don't know what to say. Maybe I'm so tired and this really slaps me across the face. Do you pore like every bit of your soul into your pieces? The line between innocence and sex, childhood and sex, everything in sex. Amen. you write a hundred times better than I dream of. "smearing slightly on your witch's apple lips" (PS love the Tori quote in profile.)