the opening sentence is just mesmorising, its very cryptic but what i get from it is a strained and slightly not-how-you-want/it-should-be relationship. beautiful gems of words tucked away inside it aswell, overall a mysterious piece.

you set and amazing scene, the whole thing is gorgeous.

~* noelle

That first sentance really gets me. It's like the movies and stuff make it look so easy, but it never really is. Smashing job.

it sets an amazing scene, and i admire that. wonderfull!

Wow this was really good...i liked this, u seem 2 no wot ur writing, good on ya^_^ Keep up the good work^_^

Poetry is, of course, all about making the reader think and see the deeper meaning, and by gum, you don't half make the reader think with this one. I like it. Had to look up a few words in the dictionary mind, but I've thus learnt something! I like the way you've set it out too: many Mediaeval scribes set poetry as prose to save space on expensive parchment, though I'm sure that's not the reason you've set it out this way, though I can't work out why you have.

Many thanks for your comments on my poems, it'll all be taken into account in the future, though much of the vocab/structure you've commented on has been done deliberatly. As I've said, poetry's all about making the reader think deeply about what the writer is trying to say and I've chosen much of the language because of those deeper thoughts.

But that's an aside: the point is, you're a damn good writer. Keep up the good work!

Matt