I noticed that you commented in a review to another person that you were a Christian, and I always take time out to review fellow Christians.

I like how you use apostrophes instead of quotation marks at the beginning. It looks, I don't know...clean.

As a general rule, only one punctuation is used at the end of a sentence. Try throwing out the question mark: Would nothing go right for him today! Reason to throw out the question mark is because you're trying to get the frustration across, yes?

Other than that, I really enjoyed this and am looking forward to reading more. But as of now, I've been reviewing and staring at a laptop screen for the last five hours and I'm getting a headache.

~Ty

nice job again, you do an amazing job at describing your characters and scenery!As for CC, the transition from Laura finding Jim passed out to the next morning seemed a little awkward to me, like you were missing something.Anyway, I really liked this chapter, and keep up the good work!~SCR

a very well written story and I hope you update this one soon. =(^-^)=

like my email? haha, anyway.i loved that story. but one thing i don't get.her family is falling apart because her husband is depressed? it doesn't seem like it would be that bad....ok, yeah it would be, never mind. and she went to go get drunk because he's depressed, yes?i loved the last part where his head was pounding to the same rhythm as the rain.it's beautiful, love.^^I can't wait for more.

cool beginning. i really like your summary..it's dramatic and interesting. good job :)

wow, this is really good, I like your writing style, you're very clear and it's easy to follow what happens. An engaging voice, that's what you have!This is a very promising beginning, the story sounds interesting and I look forward to reading the rest. I'm so glad that you're writing a Christian story! I've tried to write some stories that clearly have elements of Christianity in them, but they always end up sounding really hokey, so I stick to poetry then. But you seem to be doing an awesome job with this so far! I'm very impressed!(BTW, thanks for your reviews on Programmed! I just thought I'd also let you know that I'm currently dusting that one off, it's full of mistakes at the moment and needs some serious rethinking before I continue it, but it will be continued. You should write your WWI one too, we could kinda feed each other ideas, lol)Cya!~SCR

hm well written, not too many spelling errors, somewhat intriguing story line