 Manuel Fajar 2005-09-05 . chapter 1O—all of us—seeking premonitions,
Remember that in nineteen thirty nine,
High up in the Bavarian mountains,
Looking at aurora borealis,
Blood-tinged and shimmering in crimson hues,
Hitler decided it would take a war,—
That violence coursed Germany's destiny,
O yes—a madman can inspire a race,
And lead us lemming-like to death's sharp fall,
So think a bit about dream's prophecies,
Or symbols that Thou posit live in clouds,
Be careful of meanings Thou give shadows,
For penumbra's cast may haunt Thy future. |
 Laiqualaurelote 2005-09-02 . chapter 1 Once again, the tense is slightly shaky. It lacks your normal vocal fluency in writing - at a long stretch, it might sound like ranting.
I think it comes in a pair with the other poem, about drowning people.
You do have this odd thing about red.
The last bit is probably the verse that appeals to me. The last line. |
 youzi 2005-08-28 . chapter 1whoa. for the angriness of it all (??!!). and how i'm slightly (but only slightly) angered by it,although in an inexplicable way.actually, not very sure about that...oh i loved the parts about the moon..i love the moon but i love how you described it as well "She is bald like a temple monk". we shun beauty like it's te equivalent of er...bad poetry. hor? but i like. also i know this review is kind of disjointed, making me sound kind of retarded. well. sry. keep writing =D
~Pam |
 evillaughh 2005-08-27 . chapter 1whe i liked the imagery as usual and i think it's quite amazing how you like... manipulate the poem from the beginning to the end. and now i think sunsets are scary -.- but anyway good job again! |
 Judith the Dark 2005-08-26 . chapter 1Ahh, another poem filled with strong imagery. I really loved the part about the moon being "bald like a temple monk".
I notice that you used the imagery of sunsets, fire, red, and seduction a lot in your work.
One thing I enjoyed was the comparison between the sun, the moon, and the sea. You gave them distinct personalities and I love that in poetry.
However, I have to say that the emotions in the poem were jumbled and there wasn't just one tone throughout the entire thing, which led to a bit of confusion on my part. But perhaps that was your intention?
Anyway, good job all in all. And never stop writing, you do have talent.
~CR |
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