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| Manuel Fajar 2005-09-05 ch 1,  | abuseO—all of us—seeking premonitions, Remember that in nineteen thirty nine, High up in the Bavarian mountains, Looking at aurora borealis, Blood-tinged and shimmering in crimson hues, Hitler decided it would take a war,— That violence coursed Germany's destiny, O yes—a madman can inspire a race, And lead us lemming-like to death's sharp fall, So think a bit about dream's prophecies, Or symbols that Thou posit live in clouds, Be careful of meanings Thou give shadows, For penumbra's cast may haunt Thy future. |
| Laiqualaurelote 2005-09-02 ch 1, anon. | abuseOnce again, the tense is slightly shaky. It lacks your normal vocal fluency in writing - at a long stretch, it might sound like ranting. I think it comes in a pair with the other poem, about drowning people. You do have this odd thing about red. The last bit is probably the verse that appeals to me. The last line. |
| youzi 2005-08-28 ch 1, | abusewhoa. for the angriness of it all (??!!). and how i'm slightly (but only slightly) angered by it,although in an inexplicable way.actually, not very sure about that...oh i loved the parts about the moon..i love the moon but i love how you described it as well "She is bald like a temple monk". we shun beauty like it's te equivalent of er...bad poetry. hor? but i like. also i know this review is kind of disjointed, making me sound kind of retarded. well. sry. keep writing =D ~Pam |
| evillaughh 2005-08-27 ch 1, | abusewhe i liked the imagery as usual and i think it's quite amazing how you like... manipulate the poem from the beginning to the end. and now i think sunsets are scary -.- but anyway good job again! |
| Rebekah the Scribe 2005-08-26 ch 1, | abuseAhh, another poem filled with strong imagery. I really loved the part about the moon being "bald like a temple monk". I notice that you used the imagery of sunsets, fire, red, and seduction a lot in your work. One thing I enjoyed was the comparison between the sun, the moon, and the sea. You gave them distinct personalities and I love that in poetry. However, I have to say that the emotions in the poem were jumbled and there wasn't just one tone throughout the entire thing, which led to a bit of confusion on my part. But perhaps that was your intention? Anyway, good job all in all. And never stop writing, you do have talent. ~CR |