So... just some spelling errors that kind of hurt the flow for me... "breathe" should be breath... and "off" should be of... I like the imagery of warm tea and chiclet teeth. :D

I honestly didn't like this one as much as the first. There's something missing, something I can't quite name, and whatever part that's missing is throwing the mood of the poem off.
I could say it's the punctuation again. I think this piece needs more pauses to give it that hollow, empty feeling the subject seems to have. But the rhythm itself seems slightly off as well.
I did, however, really like this poem. Despite all the criticism I think it's quite good. I especially like the last two lines. Not only do they sum up the poem very well, but they also aide to the mood that seems almost gone in this poem. It's really very beautiful.

I adored this poem. The way you've broken up the stanzas is pure genius. And you're able to keep a nice, melodic rhythm even though it's freeverse and has no rhymes.
"I hate holding my breathe

While being intoxicated

Drunk off wanting your touch"
That's my favorite line, I feel that everytime one of my friends comes near me. It's terrifying and painful and there's a need i've never been able to explain, but somehow this poem captures it beautifully.
Also, the fat that is comes full-circle is wonderful. Poetry like that is usually hard to do, especially if it's a decent poem.
The only thing I would comment on is your punctuation. The ellipses (...) are rarely used in poetry. They require too long of a pause for this poem because of the fast paced youhave everything else at. If you want to indicate another thought or a pause longer than a period, I suggest using the -.
The style, the words, everything else was simply beautiful.

This is really beautiful. I love the way you pull on all the different senses and yet their all completely wrapped around this single absorbed wish.

I was just going through my old account and saw that you had reviewed a number of my poems. I thought I would return the favor and I am not at all disapointed. I will go read more now!

Oh! I've real this before!! And it's still just as...great! (sorry I can't think of a better word).

Good imagery (Well..to me. I got cool pictures in my head from this). : )

Excellent rhythm.

The sarcasm feels strong and the emotions prevalent.

This is so unique and fragile-sounding,its so beautiful.You are the sort of person that seems beautiful because your writing is so gorgeous -- I really wish I could write like you.Such a lovely piece,i will put it in my favourites.

e.ebony

I really want to know your inspirations for these pieces now. It seems such an intense relationship or whatever is going on here.

I agree, that from any one else, many of these images may come across as cliche- ...but for some reason it just so doesnt in this. it seems unique and delicate and intricate and just...well, im wowed. its like a fairy tale of some kind .

"We untangled in little white lies and lipstick stains." favourite line. its so cleverly put. and the "untangled" almost hints that this is what undid the relationship, or messed it all up. hell do I just read too much into things, if so Im sorry. but its a killer line.

"the cold in whispers of sun warmed daisies and perspiration." - I think this one jarred the piece slightly. its a bit wordy and Im confused as too the image it conjures. thats my only critism though.

You must leave such a fantastic and intresting life to come up with these beautiful images and pieces. Your talent is going to go so far.

oh your back! yey, from where ever it is you were! gosh darn why do your poems always have to seam so...epic. this is really good, I bet this is beautiful read out loud professionally...I dont know why, but I have such an image of storms and the sea ...probably only because of the mop reference in the last line ( which btw were two fantastic last lines). I like it though. My own interpretation of this makes it extraordinarily relatable...like an intense relationship between these two peoples, and then the narrator is jealous of them and watches it and has to piece back the mess it reeks on them both. ha, im probably wrong but thats how I read it.

"He colored her lipsQuotes from Shakesphere and Byron." - oh beautiful image there. geeze.

"Her fingersWind blown leaves on her lap." - again with the whole beauty and the imagery thing going on.

"He swallowed her whole.She let him drain her." - sharp. stark sentences. they almost slap you in the face, in comparison to the rest of the images in the poem.

and then of course the ending. wow. glad your back in business.

I hate the formatting too...it bothers me immensely that I can't indent. Anyways, this was so sweet...the line "If he knew/She loved him/Like Jupiter against/The summer night" is so beautiful. Great job.

I like the previous one better but this one is still wonderful. The imagery and combination of seemingly random words and ideas are great.

Beautiful and so sad. I feel this brimming desire to love, which is held back because of the other person. I love the last stanza.

Wow, I love this! It's really good and well written, just one thing, you wanna change breathe to breath (the first is to breathe, the second is your breath). Keep up the great work, and thanks for the reviews ^^ -Nia