Reviews for Vampire in the night

Reviews For: Vampire in the night

Shinagami's shadow 2005-10-14 ch 4,	abuseyour story is great it's had me on the edge of my seat the entire time i was reading it.there are still many questions unanswered so please keep writting i would love to read more! i thank you for the great read and only have one more thing to say. watch where you place you spaces. there is a sentance that confused me because you didn't space a couple of words. but other than that your story was exalent
Barbados 2005-09-08 ch 3,	abuseI really enjoy the way you've handled dialogue. Some people absolutely abhor bold, but I think you used it well. It's a refreshing change from quotes all over the place. It also helps keep the flow of your story with your particular writing style. Agreeing with a previous reviewer, we definately get a good sense of how the main character is feeling. I for one like short chapters, they offer us a reading flexibility that is necessary in a format such as the computer screen.
Rhunt 2005-08-28 ch 3,	abuseThis is a very interesting story. I wish the chapters were a tad bit longer though. You describe things very well, and I really get a sense of how the character is feeling. I like how you name characters, it's not the same old common names. I mean they aren't exotic or anything, but they stand out. Keep up the great work!
Barbados 2005-08-28 ch 1,	abuseFirst things first: Your english is much better than you think, i think.. erm... what I'm trying to say is, if you write this vividly in english, then I really wish I could read spanish, so I could see what THAT was like for you. I'm sure it's amazing! Since you have mostly poetry, I can't compare this vs. your other fiction, except Life After Death, and it is clearly written differently. (Considerably fewer ...'s) However, since you mostly write poetry, it comes as no surprise that this piece seems very poetic in it's flow, with good imagery and even a little surrealistic feeling. Mistakes are few, but since it's the time for CC, I'll point them out. First, you use the word old twice in the second sentence, and while technically not wrong, it doesnt' sound very good. Consider eliminating the second one, as it is redundant. Also, I noticed several places where periods were curiously absent, mostly in the second paragraph. I know this is long already, and sorry, but I have two more things. First, when she says "I wish I was like you, I wish I could draw joy from pain...," it sounds like she's talking to the tree. How do trees draw joy from pain? Actually, I suspect she is thinking of someone, but the way it's worded makes it hard to tell. If so, you might consider altering it a bit. Lastly, the last paragraph gets a bit confusing to me, particularly where it reads, "she had lost the will to find them and united, they were painful enough as they were, gathered together the pain..." Not entirely sure what happened, but it looks like maybe you either left out a couple words after 'united,' or meant to say 'unite them,' and then the comma should be a period, or something along those lines. Really, it's a lovely piece, and I'll be coming back to it when you update. Good luck!
carolynQ 2005-08-28 ch 1,	abuseHeyI really like this piece. It has really good description.Not bad a starting.Your piece is far from the stereotypical kind of storylines.Good Job. Looking forward to chapter 2! carolyn

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