Your ability to encapsulate moments has always been astounding. I don't feel so compelled to remark on stylistic techniques (though I do like the use of semi-colons and dashes) as much as the content. . .very stark. The minimalistic approach with the words weaves a brilliantly raw image.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...there's something in your writing that other writers just can't capture. There's elegance and depth in this as well as subtlety. The reference to Gatsby (four words! the editor in me rejoices) perfectly pinpoints your meaning. At least I hope it does, because that would mean that I'm getting out of this poem what you meant me to get.