Hey...sorry it's been awhile. I liked the dialogue between the three at the beginning of the chapter...cool banter. Poor Odette! Remington's a creep.

I *heart* Remy! I hereby came to be founder of teh Remington fan club--I adore this arrogant little brat (just how I like 'em). Anyhow, great job, Trish! I loved this chapter!

I felt like this chapter was a little rushed, although its probably hard to write about packing/getting ready for the journey and stuff when you have ideas for the actual adventure...but maybe some more details/description would help. Anyway, I did like the last line of the chapter though. Write more soon, I want to find out what happens!

An abrupt pov change, but an good one nonetheless. Darcy's character sounds like it would be fun to write about, but I am really interested to find out more of her story- the part about her mother seemed like only the tip of the iceberg. I also liked how you showed her clear superiority over everyone except her father. Good work.

this was another nice chapter...I like how you handled the deathbed-esque scene. They were dramatic, but not trite. And Seth's motivation seems realistic. I will have to see what happens next...

Amen Odette! LOL. Great chapter! I love this story! I'm so happy to see it moving. Wonderful job.

I think we're obsessed with sibling rivalry..lol. Great chapter. I love Darcy! I'm glad you introduced me to that name so very long ago...or else my cat would have a weird name...like Snuffles. *shivers* Scary thought. I do like where you're going with this!

Fantastic chapter! This is the best so far! Awesome, simply awesome dialogue. Example, "Seth’s tears had a revolution and won their freedom." That line is beyond beautiful. Great job, Trish! Make everyone read this story!

Fantastic chapter trish! This is very different from most of your work.

This was a good transition from the first chapter, introducting (what I assume to be) the real main characters.

"Seth returned the smile and left, following the dirt road into Mian, the little country town Seth had grown up around." I noticed that some of the sentences were a little wordy, ending on prepositions like around, or of. Its okay to do once in awhile, but you might be able to rephrase it to

"The little country town around which Seth had grown up." or maybe you have an even better suggestion.

I liked the characters that you introduced, and I can't wait to read the next chapter. It promises to be exciting!

wow, what an interesting beginning. It really introduces a lot of ideas in a short amount of time, but it wasn't confusing. I liked the name choice of Black Diamond Sphere- it sounds like a diamond and a sphere, which is kind of oxymoronic, but cool.

Stealing the sphere reminded me of Ocean's Eleven. I don't know why. It will be interesting to see how you incorporate Elemental magic into the story, and how the sphere guardian will have a further role (if any?). I'm on to the next chapter!

hey this is a great beginning! really good background idea for a story. one thing...while this is good, you might want to work all of these details in more subtly. from what your summary says this is not the main plot its about another person...so maybe you could slowly work the legend into the main story instead of starting out like this...its just a bit...i dono out of place...like this. not saying it isn't good because it is! just a suggestion because it sounds a bit more like a plot idea than and actual beginning. good job can't wait to read more!

~cazkain wielder~

Nicely done, Trish! I can't wait to see this story move!