I like the plot!

I just read and reviewed the astrea story. Gotta love this story. Its really funny, that last part. But if you imagine it, it's actually kinda gross...

Things to note: If she can kill a woman, an assasin i guess, at age 7, why is she only average at killing at age 16? really. And I know you tried to make Luke liking her a bit more natural but it's still way way unnatural. Honestly. 2 days. This love at first sight is too much. Even more so because that time when he saw her sleeping he called her a commoner. (is that the right spelling? i get mixed up with double letters sometimes.) Someone in love with her would seriously not be so cold, right.

I also thought the scene in the caves was very realistic. How she showed some mercy and stuff. And Luke gave him the knife so he would kill himself. But there's still a part of it that isn't so realistic. He killed himself straight away. Usually people would wait until there's no hope before they commit suicide. Even in a completely hopeless situation.

Also, couldn't he jam his knife into the wall and climb up? I'm not sure about stalactites and stalagmites but they can be broken by the knife right? Or if the knife wouldn't hold, a couple of deep juts in the wall would do. You said it's slippery though. So I dunno. but watever. I noticed that it's similar to the scene the astrea story when they want to torture sinstre. (that was just a comment)

I felt the ending was also too abrupt. Funny, but abrupt. The action was still kinda high. You should let the excitement die down a little.

Otherwise, it's a funny story, different from the other one, which is a bit more serious, I find. I didn't comment on your writing, cos I did it for the other one. And i can't think of anything else.

^^

That was a sweet story. I still prefer Astrea's Story (but mainly because I read that one first and I'm more attached to Astrea). I love this world you've created. I can't wait 'till you publish these stories. I'd definitely buy!

ello, lovely story! :) i want to read more of your stories! ^^

I too am writing a story about thieves, so decided to check your story out. And I must say, WOW, what a great work. I don't have time at the moment to read on, but I shall!! I'm adding you in my favorites!

J. Welkin

I liked this story, it was well written - though there were times when there weren't breaks so it got kind of confusing, but other than that it was really good, I was wondering, are you planning on writting something along the lines of a sequal?

ah short story but nice ending. I loved the plot and the characters. The page did not have some breaks so sometimes different scenes get mushed together and it was slightly confusing until I realized where the scene changes.

also please correct the posting of the repeated chapters(I think there are two of them)thanks

hi I don't know if you notice that you have posted two previous chapters again in Chapter 7 and 8. the adventure in the caves was very exciting and Luke is a very intriguing character. I really admire Kat's personality too.

great job on this story (I love assassins and fantasy type stories anyway)please correct the chapters posts when you can, thanks!

That was truly amazing. You have plot, and grammar, a diverse vocabularly, nice pacing, and excellent characterisation. I've read professionally published works that were much worse that this story. My only complaint would be that you didn't flesh out the background of the world quite clearly enough.

But otherwise, keep up the good work!

OMG I'm so sorry! I got back from my summer vacation in China and just completely forgot about your file, sitting in a folder on my desktop. I'll see if I can beta a few chapters soon...

I LIKE it!! Weeh!

Try to continue it please?

Love lots! Ghost reader.

Oh...Okay, now I like Costan Atale better than the man from the first chapter. I love how things actually happen in your stories. Your descriptions are precise enough so I know what's happening, but not tedious. Very good balance. ~Queen Anabella

Ooh, this is turning out to be really interesting. I really like Larkstone. I hope he turns up in future chapters. Great job! ~Queen Anabella

Great transition into the teen years. I look forward to your next chapters. I'd like to see more of the culture, and the local color of Lorien come about however. ^^ 'til next time dearie.-Cindy Moon *)What do you call lonely poets? Any poet.