oh... this is astounding. I'm amazed at how breathless something as simple as words can make a person feel... Jsut amazed. This poem is beautiful, and the way it's worded is perfect in every way. Wonderful job.
The first couple lines were good, then it just got... boring. Try shortening it a little bit, see if the piece doesn't drive home a bit more effectively.
FictionPress.com - let the words flow
