Reviews for Still - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Still - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

LPC 2006-06-17 ch 4,	[you wouldn't hesitate to give her awayto the indifferent sloshof her fast-receding cup.] This is a little vague. I don't want to stretch my imagination too far, and I'm only going to assume there are three presences.. present. The speaker, the object of the poem, and the drink. And possibly the door. But the excerpt above gives me serious doubts. This has a diminished, lackluster quality to it. It's as if the rust of cynicism has completely covered over it-- it's raw, it's got truth, but, surprisingly, it sounds one-sided. The ironic thing is that the poem itself calls for the object of the poem to see things from the speaker's point of view. The resentment clouds the piece and makes it impossible to see what the reasons the object of the poem might have to start drinking in the first place. There seems to be a momentary misunderstanding, here. Maybe because the scene itself still brings back something painful. It masks the feeling that everything adolescent has with his or her parent-- the feeling of being misunderstood. This feeling is relatable, so, then, where is the personal nature of the piece? It dropped sharply off somewhere in between the resentment of remembering the what had happened, and the infantile state of mind that guided the pen of this poem. The nuance isn't in just the feeling alone-- it's a representative for all who have felt it, even more specifically, of a family falling apart because of a drinking or drug-taking habit. The nuance lies in the insight, or even in the reaching out of the speaker, trying to understand the object of the poem instead of just projecting on it. The actual 'laughing at the sadness' that the scene brought has, to me, the connotation of bitter mockery. The actual painfulness of the event, "repairing my hinges" is as figurative as it is literal. The actual act of "repairing hinges" enables the speaker to once more, close off from anything he or she might find particularly belligerent/distasteful/foreign. In a way, the subconscious (of both the speaker and the writer) acknowledges that he/she closes off often from his/her parent-- and also, he/she acknowledges the attempt of the parent to 'stampede through the door', break through that confidentiality to relate a problem. When a person speaks aloud, especially of denial, they are sounding out a problem that they themselves, in all their pride and 'self-righteousness' probably can't even fully register. In this case, the parent is asking the child to be the parent. Of course, it doesn't work that way. The child has a momentary display of wisdom, acknowledging that in order to cope with this problem, one must see through the "lens" of another person. The sounding out of the resolution sounds more like an accusation than a fix for a problem, which is where this poem falls short. The poem itself is admirable for its unguarded nature. I cannot criticize-- or even begin to admonish-- a pain such as this being rendered. I only wanted to scope into what the psychological fallback might be. I have fond memories of the other installments, but they in no way cloud my judgment about this one. I am possibly offset by the lack of endearing-ness in this poem and the pain it emits. I will have to be more wary and receptive to the pain and less harsh-- I apologize if I sounded a bit too caustic. I'm so happy to visit your site and still see you alive and kicking and growing in your writing. I myself haven't really grown in my own writing-- I think it's because my analysis of things only goes as far as me registering it in a general, world-weary way. Once I plug it into my writing, I will probably be able to match you-- in telling the truth in writing, I mean. Again, thank you for providing the backdrop for a meaningful reflection, Beti. Rock on!
simpleplan13 2006-06-10 ch 4,	interesting.. I like the ending a lot
Gilee7 2005-11-20 ch 3,	I like the opening lines; very short and simple. --(you, senileme, forgetful, spiteful)-- I really liked that part. Perfect word choices. I also really liked the ending of that stanza with the "I'm right, I'm right, You're wrong." This is probably my favorite of this small collection, and I really liked the first two, so that's saying something. The first two were more mother/daughter poems, but this one I see as just a parent/child poem. It's a bit more general. Excellent job, Beti. I'm gonna go read Einstein's theory of relativity now.
Gilee7 2005-11-20 ch 2,	My first review for this little collection totally sucked. Sorry about that. I agree with LPC on this one. I also see this poem as the mother speaking, and not the daughter. Even before I read her review, that second stanza made me wonder about it. I really like the ending stanza. I found it funny. This is clearly a chick poem, but I still enjoyed it, even though I didn't really relate. I'm amazed at how great a job you did in writing about this when you're not a mother, or at least I don't think you are. After reading this, though, I'm not quite as sure. Perhaps you jumped into your mother's brain to write this. But nevertheless, amazing job.
simpleplan13 2005-11-09 ch 3,	i can compeltely relate.. I love that middle stanza.. great poem
The Proxy Ninja 2005-11-02 ch 3,	Arg. I just researched a little bit a few days ago on what Iambic Pentameter was for The Bard of Canterbury’s poems; I tried to Wikipedia the Theory of Relativity, so I’d have a general idea of what you’re talking about, but I can’t understand the explanations. I really feel naked, I want to be able to talk about this piece in depth, because when Nikki and I spoke about it, I didn’t want to stop her gushing about how much she liked this piece. She saw many parallels I couldn’t see, maybe because she knows what this theory is. And when she tried to explain it to me, I had -no friggin’ clue- what she was talking about. My understanding of the Theory of Relativity is: 1) black holes are collapsed stars as well as inverse suctions of gravity, 2) anything going ten times the speed of light would be at every point in the universe at once [e = mc, squared], 3) stars as we see them are a curved reflection of light, [proved by an eclipse, in which stars are still visible], 4) the big bang is a burst of energy, like a bubble getting bigger, and that our universe as we know it, like air out of a bubble, is gradually sinking so that the process will begin again, 5) going up in an elevator feels like you’re being squished into the floor. What this all translates -into-, is what I don’t understand. What is the so-called formula or general summary of all this, and what does it generally relate to? Like, when we talk about Newton’s theory of gravity, summed up it would be: “What goes up must come down.” And when we talk about strata superposition, we just saying, “deeper layers/strata of the earth are older than the ones on top of them”. What is the Theory of Relativity’s general statement? Anyway, now that I’ve asked all that and’ve totally confused myself, I’ll try my best to understand the poem in its totality-- even though I still feel a little iffy about it. [part of it explains how you and I can be in the same place], is that the e = mc, squared equation? [seeing different patterns, how we can disagree/ and both be right, because neither is really/ wrong.] and is this one that elevator gravity, how going up feels like going down and vice versa? I hope so. As a mother-daughter parallel, quoting Nikki because she wanted to make sure that I told you: “My mother and I have always been waiting for a scientific theory to prove that neither of us was wrong, so we don’t have to fight anymore.” I think that’s the true beauty (whether anyone has read up on Relativity or not), that this speaker recognizes that her relationship with her mother is on a basis of relativity with a lowercase “r”, despite the saying “like mother, like daughter”, time and experience binds them and also keeps them separate, so right and wrong are -also- relative to the situation, depending on if the mother understands the situation and can be sympathetic to it, if she has even gone through it herself, ect. The same way liberals and conservatives can both be right and both be wrong, the inherent truth is simple and expressed very nicely with the scientific parallels. (Nikki was teary-eyed reading this poem, -and- the few time she scanned it afterward.) [perhaps you should read it,/ because it would save us both from/ thinking the other's memory/ is a useless mush of lies] When we read this together, we laughed because it’s so true. People always seem to negate each other, especially when it comes to parents and children. One tells the other: “You don’t understand” or asks, “How is that relevant to the way -I- feel?” “useless mush of lies” is a really good word choice. “Aw, mom. You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re just making that up, I bet. How could -you- understand?” That’s the way I see it. And I’m glad this girl wants to reconcile those parallels between her and her mother, concerning their levels of experience and emotional depth. [(you, senile/ me, forgetful, spiteful)] Here’s the lines both Nikki and I agreed should be isolated to become the bridge between what came and what’s coming. Especially because these lines are the important acknowledgment of errors. It doesn’t quite exactly say: “We were both wrong”, but it has that apologetic quality in the honesty it is told. The word, “senile” is such a good word: it understands the gap in age, the gap in experience, the fact that so many things have happened to this mother. It describes her long journey. And “forgetful, spiteful” are perfect ways to describe a liberal child, I would think. We’re careless sometimes, and then we forget more-- and we can’t really blame it on senility. And “spiteful” is a great term. It shoes passion and resentment, defiance and self-justification. “I can’t forgive you, mom. I can’t forget.” [and it would save us from/ useless arguments that go/ nowhere, or/ go resolutely in/ circles: I'm right, I'm/ right, I'm right,/ You're wrong.] We laughed some more reading this. It is SO true. I especially hate those arguments. Though, as of late, if I ever detect that I’m getting defensive (even though I know in many fashions I’m correct), I stop myself and say: “I’m talking us to death in circles. I’m getting defensive, ma. I’m sorry. I respect everything you say, but I’m getting really defensive.” I feel so ugly, desperate, and foolish if I try to argue my points, even if I’m right, I feel so horrible-- I admire my mom so much, that sometimes even contradicting her feels dirty and slutty, even if the topic is about race or religion. But before, I had no shame. So I could see how relevant this is to -every- child and parent. “go resolutely in circles” was the highlight of this little snippet. “resolutely” is a great word, unyielding, not relenting, totally awesome. [I read it today and realized/ that you will never stop to think/ of opposite viewpoints] I think I understood this, does it mean: “Yeah, uh. I’m thinking about this and finding a true understanding of you and I. But you probably don’t do this kind of thing, ma. You know, read scientific theories and draw parallels to your own life and mine.” Does it mean that? Kind of, sort of? Nikki says it means that the mother never changes. Is that it? And great apostrophic moment with that “But”. Perfect. Ohh, but this last part is stunning in quality. This is what made Nikki’s eyes ready to cry. [I need yourdreams to reach farther than mine] Damn loading error. And maybe, because dreams are abstract, you should use “further”, unless you want -true- personification in all senses, then “farther” is fine. But I like the way it’s said in general: “I NEED your dreams to reach FARTHER than MINE”, it’s a selfless statement. It looks almost like: “If my expectations for myself aren’t as high, yours will always be. Your hopes, I hope, will always be bigger than even I could comprehend.” It’s pure, it seems to say, “Mom, you’re a very important part of my life.” I think, we’re fashioned so heavily on dreams, wishes, expectations, that to share them with someone else would be to let someone take a piece of you. It’s really the core of who we are. So that was a very humble statement, I loved it. [stealing my respect] this line, I don’t know how else to say how much I like this. Instead of earning it, a parent should snatch it, take it by force, not even ask for approval or permission; It’s implied, almost, that a parents should be able to snatch it up anytime with who they are or what has happened. [I need proof not of maturity or strength] It’s true, mothers do try to detach themselves from past mistakes or weakness. They try to be archetypal in hopes that we’ll be who they have become, and not who they were before they got to where they are now. And then you say, (which is utterly beautiful): “but that you, too, were a child,/ wondering what it would be like/ to look through the eyes of a bird,/ to fly.] This was magic. I think, when we accept that our parents (in certain respects), were what we are, we could obtain a more profound respect for them. Sometimes we don’t need them to be the saint or the rock, but just like -us-, growing up and making mistakes, dreaming and falling in love, defying and working toward their futures-- connecting their struggles and endeavors to ours brings a deeper understanding, and it becomes harder and harder to quarrel. I -love- your judgment call on writing “to fly”, and of also putting it in its own line-- it is REALLY powerful, it makes this poem close enough to a Sandra Cisneros or a Maya Angelou in that respect. It has that majestic and powerful closing. I was so happy to see it end the way it did. It was final, but it didn’t end flatly, and it certainly didn’t end sadly, but it took -flight- in ending. God, “to look through the eyes of a bird”-- that soaring quality, that warning of lift-off was perfect, it was something I wouldn’t have been able to think of, and it was perfect for this piece. This was a really good piece-- though I still feel sad I don’t know the Theory of Relativity, the piece is still fundamental concerning mothers and daughters, it has the essential qualities anyone could relate to. It is insightful, and packed. Carefully written and inspired. I’m so happy “Still” is still growing with more and more insights. I love reading these type of pieces-- probably even as much as I love romance, and it’s so -nice- to see spirituality, mothers, and insights in poems. They’re among my top favorite things to read. This was amazing, Nikki’s watery eyes would agree. Rock on, Beti. You better keep cranking out these amazing wonder-babies!
simpleplan13 2005-09-13 ch 2,	I like the first one better, but this is still very well written
simpleplan13 2005-09-12 ch 1,	I like this..it's awesome.. the descriptions & the tone are great.. its a little long, but great poem
The Proxy Ninja 2005-09-09 ch 2,	I was happy to check my e-mail and see an update to this! I've been a little preoccupied with honing my poetry ont his no-name site, so whenI'm ready, I could bring it to Fictionpress.com. With poets like you on this site, it adds a lot of pressure to produce writing pieces that will suffice. I'm dead serious. [I run my fingers through.] That stanza was great. I don't know much about hair, but I think "feathering" hair is like, making it straight and light with a lot of razor-thinning out or something, ne? And bleach gives the hair those strange highlights.. at least, that's what I think. I've never done anything to my own hair, and not many of my friends have, either. But when I see the phrase, [Ancient feathered youth]. I see hair that has suffered the damage of defiance, especially with that active and tired word "sagged". That's great. [Your request is full of past refusals, and/ Half-conscious apology...] I like how "refusals" is plural and "apology" is an almight singular detail, it gives the apology itself in this poem great significance. I would never be able to think like this. And the lines that come afterwards! [My guilt lending quick support/ To pity-/ The agreement jumps desperately from my throat.] These are just really great lines-- I can't understand where this is coming from. This is a whole new breed of love poem, and of course, since it's family-oriented, it's even more praise-worthy. It's hard to captivate the readers' eyes and ears, much more their emotions with any poems other than sad love. I'm a sap for sad love, I love it. That, and poems expressive truthful vanity and all that. But how -difficult- it is to captivate readers without utilizing the chemistry of young love between opposite sexes. And the ending lines. How precious this one moment is. And, if I'm not dumb enough, I'm sure that this had been in the mother's point of view. It's not completely evident until the last lines, you know, when a reader's awareness is only sharpening by the middle of the poem, because the opening lines are usually roused from sleepiness and sound kind of dreamy no matter what they are-- but this is great. I love how this mom would rather prefer the screaming over feeling the weakness and ( insecurities, maybe? ) of her daughter. It's so emotionally taut-- In those lines "My guilt..", is she saying like: "No, honey-- your hair looks nice. I like it a lot. Yes, sure, of course, I will." Though, inside she doesn't even want to -touch- that hair? I want to know! You capture such great emotions with these simple words of yours. And you're always evoking great imagery and feeling. And I am always amazed. I struggle to keep up with your insight, and though I can't comprehend everything you have written, I'm still awe-struck by the quality of HEIGHT and immenseness your verses have when I look up at them.
Sarah-Brighteyes 2005-09-07 ch 2,	Interesting... the reaction from one simple request. Yet you invoke so much emotion...almost a gagging feeling at the end. Like you want to gouge out your eyes before touching her...a burn. Just my thoughts. I think it reminds me of shopping with my mother... the gagging throught of guilt that she lays on when you dont purchase what she wants...a bit different. But that was what it reminded me of. Your flow in your poetry is great... it really is thought-provoking, or perhaps memory-envoking is better to say. Great piece once more. Bravo as always.
Sarah-Brighteyes 2005-09-07 ch 1,	Well this poem certianly blew me away. I wasnt expecting this about a mother-child relationship. Yet it made sense in a turmoiled world of relationships. You really did a wonderful job painting a picture here... actually more of a life than a single image. "My fledging guess is that of honey-balm forgiveness." Great line. I think your right. I relate to it... I see it...all you can do is wonder if that is why you go on loving someone who did you wrong. I just was amazed by this to be honest. It was very open and questioned your own relationship... so onward once more.
Super Shayde 2005-09-07 ch 2,	Wow..I can relate to this set of poems so well. This one particularly. They're so powerful and the words seem so meticulously chosen and it's just amazing. Sometimes simple, sometimes complicated..always emotional. So much imagery and just pure FEELING. I honestly don't really know what to say.
backseats on thursdays 2005-09-07 ch 2,	Once again, well done. Beautiful work.
Gilee7 2005-09-07 ch 1,	Wow. This is awesome. It's a long poem, but yet it never drags. Everything is in there for a reason, every word fitting perfectly. LPC manages to talk about poems a lot, but I don't know enough about the art to feel like I'm giving any type of advice. This is an absolute great poem.
backseats on thursdays 2005-09-03 ch 1,	amazing. keep it up!

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