"staring at me stare at him" makes no sense.
pupils do not dilate in the presence of a brighter light.
"muscley" is not a word.

constuctive criticism, I just dont have the energy to actually correct all the other faults.

Geez, you are the most perverted person I know! Aside form my sister of course. You HAVE to right more scenes like that one. Y'know... ahem... Anyway, me and Ed were discussing the abridged anime we were going to do, but I'll get into that later. Maybe when you come over,'cause you need to watch KKM and you need your plushie. Anywhose, update soon or...stuff!

Just read this little fic. I like it. It's a nice take on the the idea of MPD. And I like the way there're different names for them, and how each of them hold a part of Dirk's personality. The way you write is quite nice and to the point, which is refreshing.

There are a few problems I wanted to address though. The first is the description of Dirk's problems as being schizophrenic in nature. That's not quite true. He's got Multiple Personality Disorder with possibly mild Schizoaffective disorder, I think. As for your style of writing, perhaps you might wish to add more details to the story, to make it more engaging for the reader as well as to allow readers to develop fondness for the the characters.

I hope I didn't sound too harsh. Your story has so much potential and well...ConCrit never hurts, right? Please say 'yes'.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Lol I LOVE It! ITS LIKE SO AWESOME AND YEAH!

i think I shall shut up now.i still like it.byez

AH!

Omigod, this is fucking hilarious. Except for the psycho rapist part. But that's okay.

Update soon!

I'm sorry... I stopped here. I was really liking it. I've never given such writing (slash) a chance and now I can say why.

Your too good of a writer but this is a very emotional, typical-teenage-statistic kind of plot.

I'd like to read something a little deeper from you. You could really write a good piece if you'd impliment your skills into a plot a little less expected.

Don't write off my negative tone on account of the fact that its about the typicall stereo typed mundane emo gay goth cutter who comfortably surrounds himself with the equally scummy waste of society- because that's not the problem at all. Not at all. :D

- If your insulted consider the fact that I even reviewed you. Your a good writer just really lame characters, but very well developed.

ZOMGILOVEYOU.

:3

that was pretty fucking hot. the first time I've read a threesome... which is sort of odd because I've read a lot of dirty slash... excellant, though.

Running out of slightly intelligable things to say...!

Good chapter! I can't believe Stephen cut it! Keep going!

Just keep writing, Just Keep writing!

I should probably go get my dinner...!

Review to raise myself from the computer chair and get my dinner!

Review to raise the dead!

Random review to raise your spirits!