Continuecontinuecontinue. I'm really adoring it. Really. Am. Adoring.

This chapter was even better than the first. Damn you, I can't write first person at all.

Let me go down and select just a few brilliant passages that I enjoyed."He was rather pathetic really. I almost took pity on him, but then I had business to attend to. I couldn't risk him losing me more customers and he was just so... I'm not sure what the word was. Crude? Sloppy? Perhaps the word hadn't been invented yet that could define Mazza. Whatever it was, it had to encompass all-hands, slobbering and indiscreet. The poor word had its work cut out for it; it would be outlawed from vocabularies everywhere."

I love the way you present the word. The poor word. It's brilliant and I like how it seems a little old-fashioned in the telling, though clever and on the beat. Reminds me a little of Mervyn Peake.

"Somewhere along the line someone told him he was pretty and his life spiralled downwards from there. "The most brilliant thing I think I've read so far. I enjoy the irony, and you can really tell that Sash doesn't like him.

""Lots of people are staring at us, lover. They all want to know what a jewel like me is doing with scum like you." Cruel? Maybe." I like the "jewel like me" bit, and him using lover. It makes me laugh, really.

"Now, he really did look like a child. His eyes were wide, stretched by fear. He was chewing his bottom lip, the poor dear. I reached out to him, drawing a finger up his throat, stopping beneath his chin." And then the entire last paragraph; lots and lots of love for this.

However, I did notice one thing that was missing after rereading it a bit; no scenery! I think this story would have a doubly delicious atmosphere if you wrote the environment with the same sort of attention you write characters. And that has been my several cents worth.

(Note: 'tis Sarrin from FF.net.)

Ohh. I absolutely love Sash right now. Seriously. Not like a crush, but like, I want this guy to be my roommate so I can snicker with him into the wee hours the morning; I can already tell he's somewhat sarcastic, very cute, and the best of fun to be around when he's in a bad mood, even if he's a little snappish.He also reminds me of a character for a novel I'll someday be writing; see, recently I played this character in a role play (I must sound like a fanatic now) with a girl named Morgan, who played a vampire named Lawrence. Well, in the story, the character was a 17 year old rent boy in drag, and while he was very shy and insecure, the story does remind me of that--a very good thing! I like it.

Continue, m'love. It's getting interesting.

yes and yes