Reviews for Delilah - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Delilah - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

temblance 2007-01-03 ch 11,	abuseNice past two chapters...I like your descriptions of the trials. They sound very interesting.
Crazy Talk 2006-05-17 ch 12,	abuseROCK ON! This story is awesome, please write more. I like Abigail. She seems kewlio.
DreamWish 2006-05-17 ch 12,	abusehi! ah I love this story! write more write more write more!!
A Beautiful Nightmare 2006-04-06 ch 11,	abuseHey, hey , hey... update soon... this story is written quite well... I really, really want to know what the interlude has to do with the rest of the stories... no mistakes I can find... keep going!
adnapusa 2006-03-16 ch 12,	abuse=O You updated!Actually, I'm on the third page of my new chapter now =]I decided to force myself to update too. I also revised Chapter one and updated that on here so it's a tad bit better. Now for your review;"As her eyes wandered her thoughts wandered too."Shouldn't you have a comma between the eyes wandered, and the her thoughts wandered.? '"We talk a walk around the school."'Although I'm talking to you on AIM, so you allready know about that. Haha. '...going with you being MIA and all."'What is MIA? Ooh. I wonder what this secret is? =O 'And who was She?'Either put ''s around She, or Italics. I like how you capatalized it but it took me a moment until I realized Delilah wasn't talking about herself. 'A few feet into the clearing she saw lights come up around the clearing..'You repeat clearing a lot. But in this sentance saying it twice sounds weird... reword it so it doesn't say clearing twice. '...A few feet into the clearing she saw lights come up around the clearing'Once again, that sounds kinda weird with eyes posted twice. 'I don't talk to myself that much...'Haha. I liked that part. I don't talk to myself THAT much. lol. Ah!Wow. You are wondering about how you did, but I seriously think this might be my favorite [or one] of your chapters/writing!It was beautifully described with not too much, it was lengthy, and it had meaning.I loved it =]Congrats
Icey Yun 2006-01-21 ch 9,	abuseOmg the end part was freaky with the forest and the dark being. Wow! I enjoy how Micheal and Jed are slightly skeptical of the other, but they're both looking for Delilah and I feel something could happen if these two guys meet each other again.
Icey Yun 2006-01-21 ch 8,	abuseWow it's been a long time since I read this story! It's gotten longer and still holds its charm. The part about Mary makes me curious to know the story about her as well. I changed my name since I last reviewed your story (I didn't like how difficult it was to spell and remember). This was good but now I must continue catching up!
adnapusa 2005-12-31 ch 11,	abuseHere's your big review ^^ Sorry you had to leave AIM, Happy New Year!! Vada is the new character? M.. Interesting.Probably like, a sorcerer? Or something of the sort... Help him learn magic? He lives in that big old home of a castle, he must have a secret as to what he really is. I wonder whats wrong with his heart... But I know a Secret =X Haha. Anywayss... So Jed AND Michael are looking for Delilah? Aww. How sweet. I feel bad for Jed and all the regrets hes having. It's not like it's his fault... I guess she HAD to do the trials? Although I don't know why... Unless you said that and I just forgot XD (Again) Well I like how you ended this even if it was short... I told you how to make it longer FOO but you didn't XD Overall Nice job. Haha, and I love you too =P And if you want to do a heart on here (because those heart v's don't work, do a slash= / =) /3 /3 /3 Byebye! Congrats and Nice job! And I also hope you get better soon.
adnapusa 2005-12-18 ch 10,	abuseHmm, this sounds interesting... 'The Trials' . . . So far it sounds like some sort of weird, twisted, game Abagail has come up with.. Odd. it sort of reminds me like what happened in 'A Christmas Story' with Scrouge... (Reading as I go; Onward!) Wow, this sounds like a good chapter so far... But where Delilah's mumbling things about 'being set in motion' I'm sort of confused... Where'd she get that from? 'At the end of the day Brandi didn't seem any friendlier to her than she had at the beginning. Apparently it was going to take some work to get friends here.' Brandi? At first it was Shandi (If we're talking about the same girl) Haha... Might wanna choose one name =P 'Delilah nodded, taking in the new imformation' If some little elf told me that I was all special and going to go to all these new worlds, I wouldn't be nodding! Haha, I'd be asking so many questions and increasingly annoying Abigail. Hmm, this sounds interesting. I want to know more about Abigail and what's up with her and Laena . . . wow, this sounds interesting. Good Job!! I'll talk to you later on AIM =)
adnapusa 2005-12-18 ch 9,	abuseHmm... I wonder how Melinda and Geron play in the story?I like how you're adding these characters in here. Makes me think. Aww, Melinda dieing makes it seem like what happened to her mom, they both have too much pride.Her mom refused to get help too.And that's sad that Geron has to watch. That's sad.. What happened with Seraphi and Aphotica.. (Cool names bythe way =P) It's odd though how there's such detailed dialogue when Jed's telling a story XD Wow that was a good story... Haha. wow... this is weird now... I hope you have a plan as to where this is going... because if you write like me, you'll be lost XD Ooh.. that monster seems creepy! I wonder if any one is going to find her... And haha, Michael seems Jealous =P Well Over-all, awesome job. I'll read the next chapter later, I'm leaving for my moms in a minute. But yes, good job!! Congrats again!
temblance 2005-11-28 ch 9,	abuseanother really mysterious chapter. are the different povs in italics going to become a regular part of the chapters? they seem pretty interesting so far. one mistake: "Their motehr had been sick for a long time" motehr should be mother. I think you did that twice, but it made me laugh reading it becuase that's something I've done before while I've been typing quickly. this story is really turning out nicely! and the part about Melinda coughing up blood...ugh. whenever you see that, you know that the person's going to die... I hope that you update soon!
temblance 2005-11-28 ch 8,	abuseWow. the "Mary" part of this chapter was very good. I really enjoyed reading a different pov, you handled it well. my only question for the rest of the chapter would be about the relationship between Delilah, Jed, and Michael- it seems like Delilah/Jed are more like friends, and that MIchael could end up as a romantic interest, but after this chapter, Jed seemed more romantic as well (with the whole jacket thing). I was wondering where you were taking this (but of course I'll have to read more to find out). going to the next chapter...
temblance 2005-11-28 ch 7,	abuseI'm not too sure about this Michael. I really can't decide if he's a creep or he has some valuable information on Delilah's grandmother and is just trying to help her. Anyway, judging from her thoughts I guess that was what you were going for, so good job.
temblance 2005-11-28 ch 6,	abusehey. sorry it's been awhile. first off, I have to say that this chapter was so intriguing! it just added more to the mystery, and it made me want to find out more about Delilah's grandmother. there seem to be so many secrets about the past, and it seems really interesting. I found one mistake: "And then I lost conscienceness" conscienceness should be consciousness- it's one of those really annoying words that took me forever to learn how to spell, but once I learned it I haven't forgotten...lol. My favorite scene in this chapter was probably when the girl died, even though it was so sad. These two lines really jumped out at me: "Mrs. Sheilds sighed and said, "She's--" "Dead." Delilah whispered. That was really amazing, and showed a lot of emotion. good job! oh yeah...I got your review and now I'm including responses in my profile (finally)...you're the first person I responded to, so to answer your question you can check there! off to the next chapter!
adnapusa 2005-11-28 ch 8,	abuse'Tears filled her eyes as she looked sadly at her jutting hip bones and the dark purple bruises that covered her frail body. She runs her hands over her jutting hip bones and takes a shaking breath.' First off you said runs in stead of ran, and takes a shaking breath instead of took a shaking breath which is just a simple tense mix up.Also, you said 'jutting hip bones' twice so it sounds kind of funny. Maybe say the second time; She ran her hands over the bony frame and took a shaky breath. Something like that ;) That little girl sure seems crazy. It's sort of creepy, I can immagine her too. lol. The Eldman's curse? The symptoms of it sound like Delilah, Jed, and that other girls problem but I didn't know it was a curse. '...opened it to find three tiny jewels and a tiny glass ball...' I was immagining a ball, but after reading I presume you meant bell? Might want to change that because that's something important =) '...trying to find sails.'Haha, I am also guessing that was sales, unless everyone decided they wanted to go for a ride in their boat =)Normally I wouldn't mention that but I found it funny, lol '"Here, take this." Jed said and put his coat on her. The coat was very big on her but it was also very warm."Thank you," she said, "But aren't you cold?"Jed shook his head, "Not really." But she saw him shiver a little'Aww! How CUTE! I really would like to see Jes and Delilah date =) They sound like such a cute couple!! Ahh, now she can teleport? Interesting. . . I did not know that. So seeing Michael is a regular thing? I still want to know what's up with him. As nice as he is he still gives me a funny feeling.And he seemed a bit jealous with the whole jacket thing . . . he should be! =)Haha. 'up in a messy(but pretty) bun'That was funny how you added the whole (but pretty) thing, lol. I know what you mean . . . =P Wow . . . the ending was powerful. That added . . . a LOT of mystery to this. I really want to know what's happening now =D lol. But yeah, nice job with that. That was a strong thing. Good Job!! [Oh, btw, I also wrote another chapter yesterday XD So now you have Chapter 8 & 9 to read (But since I have the note at the beginning it says 9&10) Lol, so I'm looking forward to your review on that =P]

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