Flowers

The encounter was a bit strange...other than that it was lovely, I loved the emotions and the descriptions; they give off a nice feeling.

Hey!! Meicdon13 here. I'm really curious how things will turn out in the next chap so I'll check back from time to time. BTW, I'll answer your questions in the next chap

Hey, this is Rick from creative writing (The weird punk with the mohawk). Since you expect reviews, I suppose I'll give a thorough one, and go through all of my thoughts on this work and the exact line they corresponded with. I'm going to look at this from an objective point of view as though I didn't know you, so I'll apologize if any of this sounds harsh. Anything I say I mean as no offense to your person, as you seem a kind-hearted individual, and anything I suggest or say, you can simply throw out the window at your every whim. Now, I'll start off by saying I truly enjoyed the story, it was both powerful and moving. I hope you make a sequel of some sort >.o

"It gets warmer towards the end of spring."I felt that this line was rather vague and unnecessary. Kindof like stating the obvious. I know it's descriptive material to set the mood, but even as imagery, it is rather bland. I'd suggest that you build upon it, a simile would make this line very effective. I would try something along the lines of comparing the end of spring to a soft blanket, or something of the like.

"Wild flowers pique with their exoticcolors and varieties. Everything is overgrown and lazy with exhaustion. I thought the dogwood trees were so beautiful…when they all fell and whisked down the clean suburban street." This line completely makes up for the previous one, and more. It had a higher level of sophistication and eloquence, truly tapping your skills as a writer. I could imagine and feel the scene you were describing and it moved me to a soft sigh at the simple beauty and harmony of the end of spring.

"I followed them one day, way down till I got to a park at the end of the street, it was sunset and I could just make out the pink/orange sky over the bushelling trees."I like the way this line starts, with the following the trees, it is much more descriptive and effective than simply saying, "I walked down the street" or something of the like; however, I think some improvements could be made on diction in the rest of the line. I am sure you can describe the sunset much better than, "it was pink/orange." Make the reader feel the sunset in all its beauty, perfection. Make the reader wish only to be by your side as he peers over your shoulder at that sign from divinity, the mark of the day's end. Your poetry has shown me you're capable of much better imagery than this, Brett."I started down now, and I saw a moving swing, slowly, back and forth, gettingslower till it ceased, a young boy sat there with a lifeless frown on his face,"Overall I think this selection was decent, but I do not understand what you mean by "I started down now." I feel the use of 'now' was somewhat improper, sense the rest of your story is in past-tense, and the phrase was vague as well, imho.

"'Hey! Are you okay?” I ran over to him, my arm over his shoulder, he tilted his head away and shrugged me off, 'I’m…not crying'"

I felt that this passage was both confusing and misleading. I think it needs a bit more background information on the characters. Why would the main character put his arm around the boy? Does they know one another, or is it the simple innocence of youth, the belief that no evil can be done by another child? Once again, I feel it could use some better description as well.

"I pulled his head upwards by his short dark brown hair, and stared into his bright green eyes,"

Pulling someone up by their hair could be violent and scolding, or gentle and caring. Granted, it can be easily inferred from the situation that the main character isn't going to beat Ash up, but some stronger imagery here would be nice. Also, when it comes to colors you may wish to use more specific choices. Green is extremely vague, as eyes vary greatly in color. Something like Emerald might be more effective.

“You can cry…if you want to…” the boy onthe swing got up and looked down depressed, “Boys don’t cry.” I picked his head up again, and planted a warm kiss on his soft red lips, breaking shortly, “I cry…I cried for you…” He pulled me into him with a weakly powerful embrace, as I felt his heart beat next to mine."A very powerful passage, while it is moving to the reader, and I can feel the love the main character feels for Ash, I think you should capitalize more on this. Build upon it, make it huge, make the reader want to cry himself. "I held him back and we kissed again, “…Please…don’t leave me…” I cried a little too, I buried my head into his smooth shoulder, “I’ll never leave you. I promise.”

First off, I really love this line, it again is a powerful passage that makes the reader feel for the two characters. Now, once again, I find myself in question. Are these boys lovers? I feel it is only partially safe to assume so, and I think there should have either been more background knowledge revealed earlier, or later. If you are trying to achieve effect by saving the revelation of them turning out to be lovers until late in the story, I do like it, but still find myself unsure.

"It started to get darker; we sat on the swings, holding hands talking, “So I really didn’t know blueberries grew on bushes! What about cherries?” He swung his head back and looked at the big scary tree, letting out a quiverous sound, “Er…yea… I think cherries grow on trees, you know, like George Washington cut down a cherry tree orwhatever?” He was 12, a year younger than me, his name’s Ash, what an odd name, “How weird, their all the same kind of fruit but they come from all different places.” He swung back up again, “Yea…a lot like us, huh?”

I want to say that this is one of the best passages in the story, imho. It so effectively portrays the innocence of youth and how, as a child, you can talk forever about anything without the worry of the inhibitions of society. The dialogue adds a lot of energy to the story, and acts as a bit of relief to the reader's now heavy heart from the previous passages.

"He's right, I should probably be back in the city now, I bet my aunt’s worried about me, but I really wanted to stay with him, he won’t even tell me what his problem is! “I need to go home soon…can I see you again?” He sighed inwardly, and pulled me closer, “You can come to my house if you want… 18 Wellington Ave., it’s a couple houses down from here…I’ll be waiting for you.” We kissed quickly and I slowly let go of his hand as I ran down the street, I didn’t look back."

I did like this as an ending, I think it left a good deal open to the reader, and induced thought within me. What happens to the two characters? Do they see eachother again? What was Ash's predicament? It leaves me wanting to know quite badly, begging on my knees for a continuation. Though, I ask you this: Do you think it would have been more effective to end with, "I'll be waiting for you."? I am unsure, I'm trying to imagine it, I think either ending is good, and the one you used is truly brilliant.

aw...I don't really understand the begining part at ALL. Were they wonce lovers or something? and if that guy lives with his aunt then he must be under 21, so how is 'Ash'12 years younger than him? Also I think you may need to descirebe more, or some thing...MAybe more will be known in the second chappie...BTW, I do like the story so far...I just don't under stand it is all.

Kyo

this is such beautifull writting, it was so passionate, so gentle, that in sence of saying, my heart mohned and the embrace of the words that recendeld my soul. thus i say that my mind once again forsoght of some love that i once have dreamed. the dream that was lost for love but found by innocence.

So, another story you'll never finish, huh?

Firstly, don't say you expect reviews. People owe nothing to you, therefor you have no right to act as if they're indebted to you. You COULD have said please.

It's very hard to understand, and the double spacing makes it harder. Ash had no reason to say he wasn't crying; although the narrator should've expected him to considering some strange person randomly began molesting him.

Also, please write your own material. Stealing lines from other people's work is not nice, and it is considered plagerism, stealing in simpler terms. You've already hurt my feelings today, Brett, and I'm upset that you'd do it again.

Possibly improve chapter length. I hope the main character gets arrested.