|Reviews for Faded Oranges|
| Sykes 6/18/06 . chapter 1
Honestly, the only thing I think could use some tweaking is the ending, as it almost seems a little rushed. Otherwise, I think it was as close to perfect as anything can be. I wish I'd found your works sooner, since I'm now a big fan.
| amethystdawn 6/16/06 . chapter 1
It does seem rather compressed. You should put in something else other than emotional tension to get the boys to decide to leave. Child abuse, perhaps?
This is, however still a well-written piece. I like the fact you placed in tiny details like the orange lotion. :D It kinda makes it more... real.
| Galleena 11/16/05 . chapter 1
To me this seems like a half story. A good half story but nevertheless not completed. What happens next? Why did the mother let the boys away so easily? It's like a tantalising bite for your readers at the bigger picture. When you get some time and inspiration (although I think there's plenty of it to be found in this story) you should carry on the good work. :-)
Stick with it,Gal_leena
| Taintless 10/30/05 . chapter 1
That was really sad. the mother's indifferece. I dunno what I'd do if that was me, and my mum didn't care if I was running away. you capture the pain perfectly. I really emphaise with it, because of your great writing.
| With Rhyme and Reason 10/28/05 . chapter 1
I don't think that parents fully understand how certain words or phrases can hurt their children. People always talk about how kids say the most horrible thing to their parents, but I think it's the other way around. A mom or a dad can say just one thing, and ruin a kid's day, week, month,-life. In other words, this story makes me think. It makes me wonder about my childhood and why I have such a horrible opinion of my father. But now I'm "grown up" (or so I like to think). And every kid probably looks back at one time and says, "How we got away... I'll never know." Excellent work.
| Saber of shadow 10/26/05 . chapter 1
This is a very sad usage of imagery,however
| Squidge VR6 10/10/05 . chapter 1
Oh! Oh that's so sad! AMAZING writing, though, please, please, please continue this! You've gotta turn it into a long multi-chapter story, PLEASE!
I LOVED this! It was AWESOME!
| words music and love stay true 10/7/05 . chapter 1
ooh! I really like this! It's so sad! I love your descriptions! They are some of the best I've ever read!Yes, I thought the plot was understandable. I thought it was great infact. I do agree that it was a little bit condencsed, you could definately make it longer (I would love that) Your descriptions are so beautiful, i would love to see more of them in that story. I also think there's room for a continuation! *wink, wink! know what I mean!* Well, I'll be looking for more! Well, I'm going to go read some more of your wonderful stuff! The Scottish Dragon
| the dreamer in your pocket 10/4/05 . chapter 1
Lovely. I really enjoyed this. I love the images; they made me feel as if I was standing right there living this too. Amazing. Kudos!
And, if it was my own story, I'd expand it just a little. You do such an excellent job of description and a few places near the end would be nice to add some more unique imagery to.
Loved it. D
| Plinky 10/3/05 . chapter 1
Really interesting piece of writing!I love your writing style - the reader, (I.e. me, lol) gets a definite feel for the world you create. It feels whole, you know? (No? Let me try and explain) It's like a real memory - not just sights, but fragments of thought, and smells, and sounds.I particularly loved the phrases:"Falling apart like the cracked halves of a shell" and "Sweet worn sunshine", I thought they were lovely descriptions. I thought you contrasted the happiness and the depression really well too! A really good piece of writing! Keep writing!
| Aquafied 9/9/05 . chapter 1
hm, i love the whole story except that line that he says his mom has changed, that just seemed to state the obvious.
but wow, this story. is better continue it, i was eating up every single word.
its so sad, but great. just, out of good words for how great this is.
| FrozenKiwi 9/8/05 . chapter 1
I believe you definitely should continue... it leaves the reader hungry. You convey the character's emotions very well. Cheers, and origato for your latest reviews!
| La Gitane 9/8/05 . chapter 1
You've got a real character piece here, with some really lovely details and descriptions that make the reading. Tiny things like rubbing patterns into 'icy condensation' give it a great sense of feeling, as did the mother's 'citrus tang aura'.
I think perhaps your description of the mother after the death in that one paragraph is a little cliched, however. 'Grayer/colourless', in particular, is very commonly found. However, you make the contrast between before and after mother quite nicely.
I think it works fine as a short story; it gives the piece more poignancy and subtlety than if you were to expand greatly. Perhaps the only thing missing is seeing the mum and dad's relationship - perhaps add show how they engage in the beginning?
Well done, otherwise. :)