Reviews for Of Painters and Potions

Reviews For: Of Painters and Potions - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

The Bunny Personage 2007-05-22 ch 4,	abuseHm, the first two chapters drew me like a moth to a flame, but now I'm burning with curiousity! I get the idea, but I feel like there isn't enough of a sense of what happens after the fact. Dose he just never see these women again, or is it more of an on going juggling act with this artist? Loved this "There was a kiss lingering in the air between us as she moved down the staircase. It hung as thick as midnight on New Years Eve; trembling to be broken." Tres beautiful, quite the romantic you are.
NO LONGER USING 2006-08-10 ch 4,	abuseBeautiful writing. do continue? ~ Lacy
NO LONGER USING 2006-08-10 ch 3,	abuseThis is really good, it paints a picture with each description and the similes and metaphors are beautiful
NO LONGER USING 2006-08-10 ch 2,	abusethat was great.
NO LONGER USING 2006-08-10 ch 1,	abuseI love your introduction chapter. The descriotion is perfect. Keep up the good work!
citrus scented 2006-01-05 ch 3,	abusethat starting sentence was just wow...it reels me in and makes me want to read more. and the ending is wicked, too. basically just an awesome installment- its so overwelmingly beautifully described, the descriptions are just so delicate and dazzerling. this is such quality of writing, and i love the un cliche of her age,...i was really surprised by that but found it a wonderful twist. love this story! just delicious. and thanks for your reviews, i was glad to hear from you again hehe!
The Proxy Ninja 2005-10-31 ch 3,	abuseOkay, I cheated. I read both of the chapters before I came here. Usually, I don’t do that so that way I don’t lump thoughts and corrections together. I want it fresh so I could be objective. I’m glad I didn’t read any of the reviews (I rarely read the reviews before reading and reviewing the piece myself first); I could have totally wrecked whatever I wanted to say-- which was a week ago. I’ll do the best I can, though. God, I love this piece. My only problem is that it might feel formula, and there needs to be variation-- it says in your summary that you’re looking for ideas. Well, I think that maybe he even dates one of them, but he makes a mistake. The first time he actually thinks he could drop his obsession (three times the charm), he chooses the wrong girl. Whatever he mistakes for a soul full of depth and heart is really just a pretentious girl who is good at looking like she’s intelligent, thoughtful, and a lover of nature-- but her -real- talent lies in knowing what men are looking for, whether it be sex, intelligence, or personality. She’s a monger for attention and love. She’s a chameleon, and even when Sam tries to paint her, she’s not a very solid person, so his picture looks abstract and a bit scary and monsterish. And when he tries to leave her, she’s obsessed and such. So he returns back to painting, the REAL love of his life that won’t pretend or lie to him. How’s THAT for an idea?! : D? DO YOU LIKE IT?? Anyhow. About this chapter and the one to come, I LOVE the fact that this is an older, more sophisticated woman. [His stare was buttered toast at three am; filling and warm. It was crystal ball intriguing. Bluebirds couldn’t sing as beautiful as the song he sent, as his gaze flew over my figure. Like a rolling stone, his eyelids accelerated as he moved from my maryjanes to my crow’s feet; graciously hidden in Mary Kay and Mabeline. Eyes locking, I fell under a spell; an artists.] An artist’s. Maryjanes are shoes, right? Because crows’ feet are the lines in the eyes-- they both sound like feet thingies! I love the way you opened this. This woman’s voice is thick with sophistication, fast like a river and kind of bobbing, but with a gentle, sexy red-wine lull. That’s what I hear. A bit whisperish, super-indoor voice. I would omit “It was crystal ball intriguing.” The two sentences before and after it sound better connected without it. Maybe you could save the crystal ball analogy on something else, but don’t waste it here, it doesn’t work here. “Like a rolling stone, his eyes accelerated”. I love that! [I didn’t invite him over. I didn’t have to. He simply came as though the table had been his all along, and I the guest, not him. He poured himself some tea.] I love this guy~! [I offered honey and silently thanked the gods of chamomile and lust that the tea shop was deadly quiet this afternoon.] I was blinded by the smoothness of this sentence. But why is she thanking the gods that the tea shop was quiet? So she could make pleasant conversation with this guy? Oh, never mind-- I overlooked it the first time I read it. She -owns- this place! Forgive me for that. [He declined; like honey would make his aura any more charming.] A semi-colon doesn’t work there, because it’s a conjunction function (School House Rock) that means “but”, “and”, or “because”. The second clause is more of a sarcastic fragment, and should be treated accordingly. Replace the semi-colon with a period, and we’re ready for some rock and roll! [I touched his fingers as I passed a plate of finger sandwiches, my shops specialty.] my shop’s. Fingers, finger sandwiches, I love it. [“Cucumber on wheat with a special sauce…..”] No ellipses. Just put a comma. I envision this woman as a no-BS type of woman who isn’t very shy, especially since she’s older and more experienced. [whisking my fingers in his other in one swift butterfly motion.] I really do love this guy! And that’s a very nice, wispy analogy right there. [All I could do was to open my mouth in a protest that even Hades couldn’t make me vocalize.] Haha! Great figure of speech. [“Let me paint you.” The request came suddenly, between bites of cucumber and sips of honey.] I keep saying it over and over again, but I love this guy-- he’s so blunt and sharp. And I like how the request came between “bites of cucumber and ships of honey”. Hee! [The creator was burning in the buttered toast-crystal ball-bluebird eyes of his.] Again, save the crystal ball. Out, out! [If Irefused I would shatter something.His Eden would be destroyed.] I don’t copy and paste too many loading errors anymore, I actually wanted to talk about the analogies. I love the way you referred to him as a “creator”, and her insight that, if she refused, his paradise would be destroyed. That’s a wonderful insight. [He was twenty years my junior at least.] I’ve never understood what people mean when saying this, I hear it a lot. Though there’s variation on the years, I don’t understand the junior-senior concept. I could only assess that from the years, she’s like forty and he’s twenty or so. Or fifty and twenty-five. [Yet I could not help but want to feel his fingers on mine again… to move down my cheek….my neck….making me feel vivacious.] I always encourage people to use commas, periods, and semi-colons or dashes primarily, and ellipses as their last resort. Ellipses are special tools that shouldn’t be used when actions precede each other, because its function is to actually say, “There’s an implied such and such, and we don’t need to explain it to you so here’s the ellipses to tell you the story!” Nothing follows an ellipses, that means the thought it complete with an implication that the author has not named. In this case of actions preceding one another in a string, a combination of commas and semi-colons are in order. Make the ellipses sacred, so they continue to have the right utilization and take on greater meaning. You’ll see how immensely important they are when suddenly their use is sparse. [He would be my explosion…my grand finale.] A period instead of ellipses would be good, here. [he smiled through his orbs.] The word “orbs” is a commonly used word, as is “tendrils” and “digits” and “tresses”. Usually, that’s how you could tell the difference between practicing role players and practicing writers. Maybe you could just write in a very simple way: “He smiled with his eyes”. Sometimes it’s much more effective, especially with all the dressing you give your stories, sometimes people need that buffer between meaningful images. [I watched him through the window, brushing the graying locks from my face,] Graying locks. That’s wonderful. Of course, I love your ending. And I love how the women will sequentially say the same thing about, It was the beginning of my end. It’s weird how you could carry along something where very little is happening and make it seem so important. It’s something that I struggle with, but can’t do. You have enough images and emotions and insights to carry you through a simple bird-watching, I bet. Which wouldn’t be a bad idea for a short story sketch, either. I might write about it to see how badly I do with it. I’m always amazed at your consistency with creating blooming images with every story you touch, and I’m glad to be on the writing journey with you. Rock on, Brighteyes.
The Proxy Ninja 2005-10-31 ch 4,	abuse[She came sweeping into my apartment with a gentle gushing of flushed desire like the tail of a comet.] This is possibly the most lush image I’ve seen so far-- well, this whole chapter is really, really beautiful. But that image is -packed- with wonderful phonetically graceful-sounding words! [I knew she thought we were going to indulge in a scandalous love affair, where I would re-ignite some long ago snuffed out fairy tale.] God, don’t I wish! [“Lay across the sofa Vivian. Remember a moment where you felt completely whole….beautiful. Hold Gem’s cage across your stomach….that’s it darling.”] Re-written: “Lay across the sofa, Vivian. Remember a moment where you felt completely whole; beautiful. Hold Gem’s cage across your stomach-- that’s it, darling.” Just upload that. It’s only punctuation, anyway. And I love that “gem’s cage”-- that’s supposed to be like, her hand with all of her rings on it? [her graying hair from the twist she pilled atop her head and stuck white heather in the locks.] I love that, how delicate he must be separating her hair fromt hat bun, maybe this his pinky. [“Stunning….”] A period will do, instead of the ellipses. [it was time to liberate Vivian from middle age for at least a night.] You go boy~! [I smeared her lips lavender. I melted her crow’s feet into Aphrodite symphonies of cream and cotton. I whispered her hips into silky summer clouds. I stroked her self-esteem higher than Polaris. Then I let her go.] This could be its own poem! I don’t need to say how much I LOVE THIS PART OF THE CHAPTER. IT IS AWESOME@ I’M SO EXCITED JUST TALING ABOUT IT [There was a kiss lingering in the air between us as she moved down the staircase. It hung as thick as midnight on New Years Eve; trembling to be broken.] Great trace back to the New Year’s Eve. I could feel it, too. Especially after that passionate poem of how he was painting her! I saw all the imagery, I was painting with him! My mouth was in an open smile, Brighteyes! [The oils were calling me once more like a beautiful spring day to an inmate.] Astounding. This guy’s obsession, his madness! I love it! This chapter was the most eloquently written thus far! Quit impressive-- but now we need dynamics, we need you to breathe life and not fall into formula. Sam needs to go on: The Character Journey. Whether he changes or not at the end doesn’t matter, but there needs to be a moral, there needs to be plot, circumstance, motivation, a divulgence of his past, maybe, or an insight into his character nature. We need a few Why’s and How’s now. The story will stand on great imagery in writing, but in order to stand tall and proud, it now needs purpose. But it’s going great, so far. I’m so excited! Rock on, Brighteyes!
citrus scented 2005-10-22 ch 2,	abuseoh god this is so delicous and passionate and intense. i - love- it. its so elegantly spelled out, i want to meet a sam!. "“Alexandria”, her name conquered my tongue as I spoke it, "- romantic and talented. sigh. hehe "I traced the outline of her body. The curves wavered with luscious strokes. She was delicious. I passed the brush gently. Her skin was under the bristles. Caressing like a tepid warmth that flowed from the deep cocoa and mahogany that eased on the canvas."- oh i could just sink my teeth into it its so smooth and thick and intense. this all has so much passion and is extremly well written, love it. btw its not quite the end of the magic marker, but thanks all the same for your reviews!
Elizabeth Ebony 2005-10-20 ch 4,	abuseThis is totally beautifully amazing.Sarah,you always leave me wanting more/needing more.I sometimes wish you would write longer chapters,and let me drink in your fabulous descriptions in more words. I like this line the best "She was hot coffee swallowed too fast;searing.) That struck me somehow as gorgeous,i have to confess i just adore this whole collection.Please please update it soon. E.Ebony
Aslan Israel 2005-10-19 ch 4,	abuseBeautifully written. As always, you leave me wanting more.
Gilee7 2005-10-16 ch 4,	abuse-One who was inebriated in sophistication and motherly overtones- I had to look up "inebriated". You don't hear that word very often. -She came sweeping into my apartment with a gentle gushing of flushed desire like the tail of a comet.- Beautiful, and it kinda keeps with the whole mythological descriptions that occur quite often in these pieces. -Lay across the sofa Vivian- Need a comma before her name. -that’s it darling- Same thing, need a comma before "darling". -There was a kiss lingering in the air between us as she moved down the staircase. It hung as thick as midnight on New Years Eve; trembling to be broken.- Holy crap! That's fantastically amazingly beautifully extraordinary! LOL. I loved that. I never seem to enjoy these pieces by Sam as much as I do the actual inspirations. So far, in this one and chapter 2, the beautiful descriptions aren't as heavy, and the interaction between the characters is never as strong as it is when they meet. Still, though, this is a beautifully written chapter once again. I really liked the sentences as he's painting her, where each one was a different line, all starting with "I". Those were all very beautiful. I guess the chapter after this will be about a new "inspiration". And I look forward to reading it. Write On, Sarah!! Write on, write on, write on!
Gilee7 2005-10-16 ch 3,	abuseOh, yay! A new chick! -His stare was buttered toast at three am; filling and warm.- Great opening sentence. Shouldn't it be "three a.m." though? It needs those periods. -Bluebirds couldn’t sing as beautiful as the song he sent, as his gaze flew over my figure.- This whole first paragraph absolutely blew me away. Sarah-Brighteyes writing at its best. Each sentence was so beautiful, but this sentence was probably my favorite of the entire piece. -my shops specialty.- Need an apostrophe. -He merely tookit in one hand- Loading error. -The creator was burning in the buttered toast-crystal ball-bluebird eyes of his.- I love how you returned to those beautiful descriptions you used early on. -If Irefused I would- Another loading error. -I was the firework left in the box.; forgotten on the fourth of July.- Great metaphor. So perfect, so unique. -That was my first cup of Sam. I didn’t know I would become an addict; craving his touch like green tea and sugar cubes. It was the beginning of my end- I absolutely love this ending. It's like the same exact way the first chapter ended with Alex, only this girl is craving different things. That Sam sure has an effect on these women! This whole thing was absolutely beautiful. Like I said earlier, this is pure Sarah-Brighteyes writing as its best. The beautiful descriptions, amazing imagery, clever metaphors, it's all here. I loved this, probably even more than the first two chapters. And you're really into mythology, aren't you? It seems so many of your pieces mention some old mythological God or character. Great, great, great chapter.
Roth Jopalse Sammuels 2005-10-16 ch 4,	abuseAgain I must say this is well written. "I melted her crow’s feet into Aphrodite symphonies of cream and cotton." Where do you come up with this stuff? "I whispered her hips into silky summer clouds." Really, WHERE? I need to start taking notes. Anyways, I feel guilty saying anything negative about it, but I must say this: where is this story going? I love the details, the characters are real, and the obsession of the painter brilliant. But where is it going? I'm probably just impatient, and to be honest I'm not really much of a reader, which is why I only read shorter works here on fictionpress. But perhaps in the next chapter, you might give a hint as to where this is all leading. I trust that it's leading somewhere, but a little hint as to where would be nice. Very nice peice though. Looking forward to more.
Aslan Israel 2005-10-15 ch 3,	abuseI love the opening; it really give me an image to work with. It's unique; as in it's not something I would normally think of, but no that I see it written out it makes sense. Desribing him as an addiction was very clever, too. Especially because they just met, and you only have to try something once to get hooked. Very real, very human. Brava on this. I can't wait for more! I don't normally do this, but I feel the need to thank you for your review in 'Color Me'. It's not often I get a really in-depth review like that. Not that I don't appreciate the 'Good jobs' and 'Very Nices', but it's nice for me to hear what you're really thinking when you read; to know that you got something out of it. So thank you, very very much.

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