Reviews for Veiled Intentions

Reviews For: Veiled Intentions - Reviews: Page 1 of 27

krayzee-monkee 2008-03-30 ch 1, anon.	abuseGreat story throughout, glad I stumbled upon it during class with holdmetight123. Keep writing! Looking forward to the sequel in Quisa's POV!
Sylvia Marri 2008-02-23 ch 4,	abusei have just begun reading your story but i must say that im truly intrigued. You have a distinctive style of writing. you do not go to lengths at explaining too much on things that doesnt have much to do with the story (i.e., the musings of a main character that are just mainly quirks). The development of your characters rather shows through their actions and how they speak. im hooked now. i'm sure that i'll be reading the rest of this. i wanna know more about caedra's background. you found a great way of leaving morsels of clues ala hansel and gretel about her personality, or hints of a past. and jer? hmm, you've definitely planted a seed of doubt on his character right away. i can already picture kevran and averance already =) looking forward to the next chapters!
holdmetight123 2008-02-22 ch 1,	abusehello I stumbled across this story during ab option during school, and I adore this! You've got great ideas and a unique writing style and it's awesome! Very intruiging... :P HMT123
MyLoveMoonlight 2008-02-19 ch 1,	abuseThis entire story was wonderful. I read it in two days because I was so intrigued by it. I found myself trying to guess the plotline- and kept getting thrown off. The only problem I've found- and that is a very minor one- is that it seemed to take a very long time, or in other words, was very slow. Regardless, I felt as though I was reading a real book. It was spectacular. Thank you very much for writing this so picky readers like myself could stumble upon it.Really, I loved it. (Oh, by the way, Jer was my favorite. He reminds me of myself! Except for the whole god part.) Anywho, please, keep writing! I'll be sure to read everything you write. You're wonderful. You really are!
The-Almighty-A-chan 2008-02-19 ch 4,	abuseWell, I liked this chapter. The prince seems like a nice guy (for now) and I can tell that Caedra is trying to make the most of the situation. I like Kevran is always duped by the prince. Especially the bit about the noble girl, Casandria, beating him in a sword duel. How funny. Your writing is not extravagant, but not plain. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's simple and delightful, truly a pleasure to read. Well, on the next. -Jess
The-Almighty-A-chan 2008-02-19 ch 3,	abuseI'm going to approach this in a different way. I'm going to write the reviews AS I read the chapter. That way I don’t make mental notes and then forget to comment on them. But this probably means that the review will be longer (which I don't think that you'll mind but...). Anyway, without further adieu- My review for Chapter Three: The Visitors 1. You know what? I was wondering why they were spending so much energy trying to find him. He was a random stranger that appeared out of nowhere, right? Then Caedra question's Kunis' motives as to why there is such a search. Hrm... could Jer be more than he seems...(actually, I'm counting on it. That's the way these things always go). 2. Don't we all just love it when the Crown prince of your country comes for a little visit? 3. Ooh... so Jer is a wanted outlaw. But with the Prince talking, he could have done something as minor as look at him wrong. But that's not the case is it? There wouldn't be much of a story it were... Hrm this chapter was interesting. We found out things about Jer that were, not necessarily surprising, but plot changing all the same. Simple and sweet, just the way that I like it! You're on a roll. Well, on to the next. -Jess
The-Almighty-A-chan 2008-02-19 ch 2,	abuseWell, it's me again. Another chapter read and another chapter down. I really like Jer's personality. He's like a mix of me and my older brother. Wow, that's something to imagine. -.- Caedra's thought's about her appearance intrigue me. It's a lot like my own thoughts about my own body... There's no way that she's so ugly (as everyone is beautiful in their own way), so I think that's its interesting that she thinks so little of herself. I wasn't expecting Jer to make a run for it, and I was right. I'm so happy! Um... ahem, moving on. Again, this chapter was simple and sweet. It is delightful to read something that is easy to read and not to hard to understand, which is a rising problem among fantasy stories these days. Splendid job. -Jess
The-Almighty-A-chan 2008-02-19 ch 1,	abuseI was strolling thought the lists of fantasy stories, and yours popped out at me. So I clicked on it to see if it fit my fancy. Well, it did. I think that this beginning is very well written, engaging and somewhat witty. It caught me (as I am sure it caught others) and I found myself trapped in the story. It is a simple concept (so far) and I really like that your beginning wasn't... over the top. It's a nice change to see something start off simple. I look forward to reading more. -Jess P.s. My reviews can get lengthy.
YellowBanana 2008-01-15 ch 47,	abusei don't think you should get rid of any of the characters but i think that introducing caedra's grandparents and casandria's mother would be interesting... i think you shouldn't get rid of any because they're all an important part of the plot and it wouldn't seem so...real, i guess, anymore if you got rid of the minor characters... o and although this probably won't help you that much, i'd love to see more caedra-kevran action lol :D anyway, yeah, i don't think there's a LOT you could change because it's a really AMAZING piece of writing
violet-eyez 2008-01-14 ch 47,	abusethe minor characters like adelvia and Melsa give the story more character forgive the pun. you can un-kill Kevran's mother but not Casandria's cuz not having her mother is what makes her who she is. and bringing in Caedra's grandparents would just bog the story down with more characters
Voronda Herenya 2008-01-14 ch 47,	abuseAll of your characters are strong points in the story, so you shouldn't get rid of any of them! Introducing Caedra's grandparents is a good idea, as is un-killing Casandria's mother. Characters only really bog a story down if they're not believable, and you don't need to worry about that! I also love the way you describe characters, leaving a lot to the imagination so I think you should try and keep that in the rewrite. Good luck! ~Voronda Herenya
Lara Bykirk 2008-01-14 ch 47,	abuseI wouldn't suggest cutting minor characters out of your story, because it's the minor characters who make a story seem more like a real world--I mean, just think about all the different people that you have meaningful interactions with in a given week. If anything, I would flesh out the minor characters more--give them more complex emotions, a more fully-developed backstory, etc. If you are going to bring any characters back to life, I would suggest Casandria's mother. Kevran's character is well-explained by his relationship with only his father, and I don't think that talking more about Casandria's grandparents would add that much to the story, unless you developed them beyond the "snobby rich people" that they seem to be now. Good luck on your revisions! Your story is already very good.
insatiablehunger89 2007-10-09 ch 3,	abusereally liking the story.
bugger off 2007-10-03 ch 45,	abuse:) swet ... *starts cooing XD YAY! i love this story! teehee. :D lolz
MirrorMirrorOnTheWall 2007-09-16 ch 46,	abusethis story is simply amazing. there is no other way of describing it. i loved it. you are definetly an amazing writer. Your story had me reading it all the way to the end, without getting boring, or hokey. i loved the development of the characters, and all the twists and turns were great. This story is defenitly needing to be published. Mirrormirror

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