COOL. Do continue. i like this story v. much!

LOL

yELlow DaleK

Interesting. I really like the occasional use of sarcasm. Can't wait for more! Keep writing. =)

Um...interesting sarcasm at the end. Such...short chapters after a long time. Tsktsk. But not as bad as me. *Hangs head in shame* But you'll eventually make up for it by putting some super-duper ending to the story. Keep up the awesome work!

I like it, but the chapters are awfully short. It's annoying to have one chapter long and then one so short you don't even have to scroll down to see all of it. Catch my drift?

The details could be portrayed a bit better, in my opinion, but I still like it. Your paragraphs could be a bit longer; don't ask how to do that, you really just gain the ability to do that over time. lol. Also, watch your spelling, punctuation. There are punctuation errors here--though they're very common, so don't feel bad--and quite a few typos. I have the same problem with the second.

Overall, I like it. Just try to get into the plot a bit quicker. It tends to keep readers interested; I've done stories where it took too long to get any action and it was a bust.

Keep going!!

P.S. Thanks for the review of "Scarred." I appreciate that you took time out of your schedule to voice your opinion on it.

Well, you reviewed for me, so I'll review for you! It is wonderful so far, so I'm offto read the rest. See ya!

Interesting. I wonder what is gonna happen next...Another really good chapter...(except I kinda forget the story line...oh yes. Working at some place together...) Keep up the great work!

Well it's been a good story so far...I can't wait for you to finish it! UPDATE SOON PLEASE!

Brandon

Ah! It's not finished! I want to know what happens next...=( Keey writing and keep up the great work!

That's so cool. I bet you anything that something is gonna happen there. Just you see. Anyways, it's a good idea. 4 friends getting a job at the same place. Way too much fun. The mom figure is described and depicted quite well. Awesome!

Yay! Lectures rule. (not) And it's an interesting start! I can't wait to read what happens next!

great story-I like the ideas out lined and everything, I exspecially like how you have the broken english when Mr. Suiyama and Karen are speaking

Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I think it messed up while I typed it (because I used chapters) or while I uploaded it. I'll fix it A.S.A.P! Thanks for letting me know. :)

Ok, so to be perfectly honest, I read this b/c it had my name in the summary. (My RL name is kaitlyn) But, um...what you have here isn't bad at all, it's just...lacking a lot of things. Like...what's going on? I mean, they're sitting in class talking, just general chat, no big deal, and then, Yori has a rapidfire change of opinion about Catty, you throw in a semirandom line about babysitting and it ends rather abruptly--did part of this not upload correctly or something?

good start, please continue, it sounds interesting from your summary