 TookyToucan 2005-09-12 . chapter 1howdie! well this story seems pretty cool! i like how it rather removed me from the standard horror setting i was expecting. your writing's got personality to it too, which makes it funny and sarcastic and- well- enjoyable. my only criticism would be that, at times, the story sounds kinda dry. like things happen abruptly, or are said abruptly... im not really sure, hehehe, but maybe if you remodeled some short choppy sentences and made em longer it'd be better. i think im blabbing. but anyways, i'll continue reading this story later! keep it up, and good job! |