I love this. It's a great idea and I love the whole icecream parlor scene. Good job so far. Update soon!

"Ashlie Edelen, would you be my girlfriend?" She blushed, nodding shyly. - I blushed.

its a good plot, which is what caught my eye. however, you have a lot of...well, you have dialogue, and i feel like you could just dd more details, like feelings, where they are, small details that anyone would notice. clothing, colors, expressions, body language, to draw the reader deeper.

please update soon.

I think the story sounds great so far, the only thing I saw was like 2 misspelled words but to me the content of the story is most important which did very well at providing a great opening, leaving questions for the reader to figure out later. I also liked the way you described how everyone felt at certain moments, or what they were thinking for example, the part in the beginning when the mother tries to sooth Ashlie saying "They will honey. Soon. They just need to do their jobs," then I like the way u describe what she's thinking with, she said, as calm as she could without betraying the raging emotions warring within her. "Warring within her" that describes how she's feeling to the point where I'm thinking back to some times when I feel like that, great work here, can't wait to read more!

hey!i love your story! Shayne? haha that's funny! you know what i mean?

was a really good first chapter, keep it up, was really good cause i related to some of that stuff in real life, hope you have some more interesting stuff next chapter