  Trevvy 2007-04-21 . chapter 1 Oh poetry! What joys await me in your creative string of words?
Jewels and Secrets *adds*-(the guide to women)
she is either in love or in envy. If i was to play the rest of the sotry out in my mind, She is going to kill him. Take the jewel. and live happily ever after. As happy as a crazy lady can at least. Not very good though *shurgs*
Golden Eyes
i really like it. Its cool. *reads again* *reads out loud* I love it. So cool. *high five for good writing*
Assassin
distrubing. killing people with shoes is very uncool! although if it was the same lady from Jewels and Secrets, i was right! i love it when i am right. it was cool. Mostly distrubing, but cool.
Karla
that is awesome. i love it. ha. You hate it? so cool. ah. *loves it* AH! |
  Derick Mateo 2006-05-10 . chapter 1Ok first things first. A ficlet?! That made me laugh for a while!
Anyway, this is my first review- so sorry for it being all disorganized ish.
You writing is good, but not necessarily as creative as your stories are. I think you should play around grammar a little. And punctuation is very rigid with all of these poems, and I'm wondering if you've ever just experimeneted with it. By far your first poem is my favorite, the images are so clear-cut, but beautiful. And although a bit wordy for my taste, they flow quite easily.
Your last poem seems to show you expereimenting a little more, and I'd really like to see where you could go with other poems of that nature. It is a different extreme from the first one, even though the topic i believe is similar in nature.
I think yuo may benefit also by writing longer poems, I see hints of Homeric epic-ness in your writing, and seeing as you are already quite skilled in writing stories, perhaps improve your poetic skills by writing a story in verse.
Very nice job. |
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