There were a couple of mistakes, towards the end. It was really good otherwise. I almost cried. I think this is good. It kind of reminds me of myself, except I don’t stare out the window to find friends. The depression and the looks reminds me of myself, however.

Such a sweet, sad story. I love the way you had alice staring out of the window and I love how drew was drawn to that. somehow through the very simple fact that drew was made curious by her gazing helped make him a very strong character. and the ending was so touching.I found a few grammatical errors with the use of "its." You use the contraction sometimes when uneccesary.

ITS source

ITS contents

In the sixth paragragh, you accidentally started a paragraph in quotations, and somewhere along the middle, quickedit messed up your format. Besides those little slips, your grammar was excellent and I was never distracted by it. You almost overused the word "for," but it was borderline. I have that habit myself, and I know how hard it is to catch in one's own work.

Great read, I really enjoyed it...keep writing!

::blinks:: Wow... Aw, this is lovely! The bit at the END! Just... wow! It's brill because it's not like the other stories where it's all "OMG I'm going to die, oh the angst, the HORROR!" ::cough:: ^^U Anyway, it's lovely, didn't make me cry, but I don't cry at much. Going on my faves. I did love Alice though. And the bit at the end and ::gushes::

~Channa

Wah! SNIFF! SNIFF! Beautiful! Beautiful! So sweet! WAH!

Ha ha! Amy! Kewls. Actually, she probably does, having leukemia an' all that, and no, there won't be a sequel. Just review, my little Taiwanese friend, just review.

Alexis

Huh? Oh come on, Michele...does she die?... You stink. Not literally. Church is boring 'cuz you MOVED. And yes, I am still emotionally hurt by it. *humph* *is still emotionally hurt* Anyways...DO A SEQUEL! Pleez?...*puppy dog eyes*

moved to tears... this writing is penned so touchingly to the inner person... heartaches borne and are made to be lessoned by the ones who pass who give some words of care and compassion...

Breath takingly Beautiful and Life Sustaining too *gives smile of encouragement to keep on writing*

OK, I admit it. I was skeptical. Most short stories I read these weeks are rushed melodramatic accounts of people commiting suicide due to vague and almost unintelligible reasons--there just seems to be a black cloud of descriptive misery that the reader is supposed to intuitively identify with hanging over the entire scenario. Especially--forgive me--when I chanced to glimpse the last bit (aka "I was diagnosed with leukemia") and thought it was going to be another pity party. "I have leukemia and I'm staring out the window to find God" or some crap of the sort. It wasn't. Some of the words that were used were somewhat unnecessary, and some of the sentences were alittle awkward, but the ending blew me away. Haunting, frightening to say the least; I felt as if you yourself were talking directly through the characters, and it scared me a little--but in a good, productive way, if that is possible. You touched me through your writing--and that is what we all set out to do, no? On a lighter note, it's going on my favorites! Adieu, Kat

wow

i like, very tragic.

I found a few errors/random things:

"He sighed and looked around, for maybe something of interest was happening"-- I thought this was a little wordy, with the use of "for". Maybe you could change that to "in case" or something?

“I’m looking for someone, and it’s only out of the window I can find them.”--"them" should be "him or her", becuase of pronoun antecedent agreement. However, "him or her" does seem to take away from the poignancy of that line, which is very important, so you could just get away with putting "them", I guess. I would prefer it to be "him".

Okay, enough of the nitpicking. You need to be congratulated, becuase this is the first young adult-genre writing I have ever read on this site. Sure, i've looked through the archives, but all of it sounded stereotypical and boring...this one didn't. SO I decided to read it.

It definitely was a thought-provoking read. ALthough I was far from crying (but I don't really cry anyway) it did make me think, and it was bittersweet. i liked how you had it take place in a limited setting (mostly the bus) and you had a limited number of characters. You have considerable writing talent in the short story area. Most of the times I feel like a short story is too short, too rushed, or too lacking in details. When reading this one, I went away with a feeling of content- the story came to a satisfactory conclusion, and made its point eloquently. Young adult stories these days are so shallow, so empty, but this one had the substance that I have been looking for. You did an excellent job.

Man, I gotta admit that was just too bittersweet for me...seriously. I mean, and it's completely plausible ya know- that a person would actually make a choice such as Alice had, simply wishing to find someone that would care and be there for them, no matter the cost. It's just...whew...mindblowing- I mean, really.

I salute this story and I give a double salute to you for writing it.

This one got added to the Favorites List! Great job, keep it going!