Pretty good, but could still use a little work. I was a bit confused at the whole thing with the dock. How did the pale skins spot him? Why was he there to begin with? Also, I thought the marriage between Lakechild and Skysong was a bit sudden, but then I thought about the culture and that settled that.

Some things I liked:

~ Nature's involvement in their escape, especially considering the prevalence of Nature in that culture.

~ The names. Lakechild sounds like a gift, and I hear little bells when I read "Skysong."

~ The line, "The spirits protect us, we are free!" Something about that was great.

This could be easily made into a longer piece; I think it might be bettered if it were longer and spread out over a longer period of time. I'll gladly read it again should you revise.

-Leila