Very well done. I like where you place your commas for specific emphasis... no mistakes that I could find... keep it up!

The last line really struck a cord and metaphors create powerful images. well done ^_^ it's a pity you have not put more onto this site lately, although I can't talk, takes me months just to update one chapter lol

Cassie

On that point, I finally updated The Game, if you're still interested, after all, it's been 7 months lol -_-

I really like all the metaphors used here. you really have a talent. you can tell you were writing from the heart. very good!

I like the way you've described each aspect here...It's really very talented. Perhaps you might want to consider reading my poem "Me, Myself, and I". You might like it.

~tanni~