You have quite a few elementary grammatical errors, like a few misplaced commas, some improper pronoun capitalization after dialogue, as well as in the beginning you say 'me and Ann' instead of the correct 'Ann and I'. Also, you want to start a new paragraph whenever someone else starts talking. You might think that it's not a good idea, because you really want to add more length and when dialogue get's going you'll literally have two or three words per line, but that's the way it goes.

I'm a huge grammar geek, and it's funny because I make more mistakes than most people I know... But anyway, yeah. It's a good idea to either reread it and try to catch some mistakes yourself, or better yet, get someone else (perhaps a bit more experienced, like an older sibling or something, instead of just some friend in your class) to do a quick read before you post or send anything out (hell, /I'd/ be willing to do some proofreading for you, if you'd be comfortable with it! My e-mail's in my profile). Sure, you might prefer leaving that for when you're really serious about this writing gig, but it's always good to get into the habit. ^_^

I love the dialogue. It's very realistic, not all chopped up and formal. Many people make the mistake of writing dialogue the same way they write the rest of their story, and that makes the people sound horribly unreal. So good job on that!

Careful with repetition. While /some/ of it is good to keep continuity in the story, make it another habit to go back and reread what you write to make sure that you aren't saying the same thing over and over. I counted way too many '_ replied's in the first bit.

My last recommendation is this: don't change POVs. I know it's always great to experiment, but I have /never/ seen a story with constantly rotating POVs go well. Alright, there are two exceptions... But both are made by experienced, published authors, and in one instance the author was making a series in which /each book/ is a different character's POV, and the second exception was when an author had many different scenes to incorperate in one book (at the end they all came together, and whatnot), though she went on for /many chapters/ before changing POV.

So really, constantly changing POVs as you did in this chapter isn't a good idea at all. It really throws the reader off of the tone and feeling they were getting from reading this story, and especially since they don't know the characters yet, it gets horribly confusing. You can always make it third person -- that's the pro of chosing it. You can be in many places at once, a third person looking down on everything, and it flows a lot better. Or, if you *really* want to talk in first person, then I'd suggest picking just one character, the protagonist you'll mostly be following through the story, and sticking to them. You'll just have to work around the information they don't receive.

I know it's a lot I threw at you, but that's because I truly feel there might be potential in this story. Remember that these are all recommendations, but the person that decides is ultimately you. I don't know what you have in mind, I'm just the reader. And with that... Keep writing, and I'll keep reading! ^__^