Very, very interesting. And not in a bad way, either. I'm just so used to reading these overly-dramatic, over-used plot, heavy angsty stories that this one completely took me by surprise. That doesn't happen very often. Your style was very simple, easy to read. It really draws you in to the story, though I guessed that she would commit suicide in about the second paragraph (I don't know if you were trying to make it obvious or not, but I caught on very early).

There was one paragraph I saw that might need revision:

"She killed herself later that night, overdosing on sleeping pills, just like another girl a few years back. I should have known something was wrong. That’s what kills me inside all the time. I could have saved her, talked to her just a little longer."

I think using killed and kills in the first two sentences is a little bit repetitive. Could the first sentence be rephrased to something like this:

"She overdosed on sleeping pills later that night..." so then that gets rid of the killed, and makes the second line sound even better (I really like that second line).

This story was very real-written in a heartfelt voice but not melodramatic or reeking of "young-adult". I think one of the main reasons I liked it was because of the girl's character. She reminds me of someone I know, someone I've worried about before. It's these calm, "model students" that we need to worry about the most sometimes.

Anyway, a very nice one-shot. Satisfactory ending, nice details, great concept and all that good stuff.

good job.

I'm speechless. This is really good stuff! Touching and sweet. Perfect. Splendid.