This is much better. Conise, but with enough description to give it atmosphere. A little fantasy-ish perhaps, reminds me of the start of all those fantasy stories that inevitably involve quests, dragons, secret identities and end with the good guys winning. But it's well written, a decent piece.

This is well written :)

Your choice of words in this are really, really, good. And you are so descriptive in the way you chose to, well, describe things. Reaaly, really good!

~Lady Aurelis