Agh you scare me, Gen. I read this like last night really late at night and it creeped me out. I like the themes in this - I don't know, it's hard to name them and pick them out exactly, but it's very subtle and very lovely. You know what I thought of when I read this the second time? I don't know if you know that song, it goes "head, shoulders knees and toes knees and toes; head, shoulders knees and toes and eyes and ears and mouth and nose" and I got the chills.

for some reason, the (and boys, oh baby, boys) really seems to fit & make it all perfect.

kudos.

i love the weirdness of it, actually. creative idea.

Interesting. Loved the use of parentheses. The first two lines were a great beginning. Good job.