the rhyme works well and the language is very pretty, but may i suggest possibly rephrasing some things so that the lines flow together instead of a definite pause in the middle of each line? maybe you wanted it that way, but it feels a bit rigid. love the story and the words, though.

This was a cool poem, nice job.

Very very nice. I love the imagery that comes along with this. I can see her so clearly in my mind, though you didnt describe her, but through her actions and the writing in general she comes to life. Keep it up!