it would be a sin to laugh at such good poetry! i love this, because its words are spoken from the heart and the emotion rolls off in waves from the words..this is what poetry is about, and i def. can relate to your feelings..

whoa...were you once an overweight woman? lol. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you've really got some kinda empathetic kinda amazing sort of writing style going on here. Or, ahem, something. I'm not lucid right now, sorry.

I think that your commas definitely detract from this. They force the reader to pause where grammatically there isn't supposed to be a pause in the poem.