Whoa. I never saw the ending coming. I was staring in shock at the screen for minutes.

i know you don't like writing poetry, but if you actually read it over, it sounds pretty good as a poem.

nice.

wow. that ending is so strong! wow!

that was really good paloma! That was really just surprising at the end!

omg, omg, omg! this story makes a very powereful statement. the language is beautiful. I like how you mislead the reader to think the narrator is a girl, and then reveal that it is actually a boy.

I found only one grammatical mistake in the whole thing, and you know how good of an editor I am. It was where you said "...when men where braids, people think their in a gang?" The "their" needs to be replaced with a "they're".

Bravo! Very good job.

You say that I'M like Tori? Don't show this to her, she'll abandon me and adopt you as her freshman. She'd adore this. She'd go nuts over it. She'd start squealing when she finishes. We need to get away from her...she's changing us into little Toris. lol

I really like the writing style of this. The last paragraph is very shocking. I did NOT see that coming. Where did you get this idea from?