Reviews for The Greatest Command

Reviews For: The Greatest Command - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

under the influence 2008-06-10 ch 13,	abuseThe part with Tracy was really kind of sad. I could see Christy sliding backwards right in front of me (not literally--but hopefully you know what I mean). Is this poor girl ever going to catch a break? I actually kind of feel sorry for Tracy. Even though it's a tad selfish to only call when she 'needs' something, she gets caught in the middle of this catastrophe she knows nothing of. Oh, the quotes around vibrate aren't necessaary. 'Tracy’s voice took on concern faster than a sinking boat.' this is a great image, but it's doesn't seem complete. '...a sinking boat taking on water.' Ah...silly, naive Jace...I'm not sure it's necessary to have a whole big production as to how he got her number...can't it be enough that it was still in his cell from when she called him? That's a great way for Jace to become even more endearing--he could joke that she called him first, he figured it'd be okay to reciprocate the gesture...or it's payback for waking him up at 5:30. If some guy called my mother to get my number, I'd be beyond mortified...not to mention extremely pissed that a church gave out information like that with seemingly no regard for my confidentiality. I would not want anything more to do with them and you can bet they'd hear some complaints from me. (and the guy--no matter how endearing--would have a kick in the groin) 'taking our friendship to the next level'? -- that might be a little much... yikes--he knows EXACTLY where she lives? that wins him a one way ticket to psycho-ville I'm glad Christy decided to go...she needs it, no matter how reluctant she is to admit it. okay, so Dylan and Christy are drinking coffee...where'd Jace disappear to? And the conversation went from a Richard Simmons joke--which wasn't quite clear--to Christy being jealous of Jace's family with no transition. Did Christy catch his mom or dad being affectionate towards him? each other? (giving her a twinge of jealousy maybe?) '...an hour or more...' this sounds a bit awkward wow...that ending was a little...rough...but I really like the way you wrote it. It goes back to the writing to drew me to this story in the first place.
under the influence 2008-06-10 ch 12,	abuseI like these diary chaps...I'm really getting a sense of who Christy is...
under the influence 2008-06-06 ch 11,	abusenice chapter...I like that Christy called Jace, but I have to say that if I were her, I would have hung up after the big production about it being really early. Maybe if Jace had his own phone line and you cut the mother part out completely, it would be better. Also, if someone I knew wasn't a believer called me early in the morning and started asking me questions about Jesus and God, I most certainly wouldn't complain about the time...he spoke very eloquently and said very strong things, though. I hope Fess keeps his promise...not only for Christy, but I think it could be very beneficial to him as well.
under the influence 2008-05-27 ch 10,	abusevery raw and emotional...good job :)
Teffie 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseSo much angst! But I really like the voice you've created here. I only noticed one mistake: "birthday" should be lower-case. Good job, though. I'll be back to read more.
under the influence 2008-05-20 ch 9,	abuseinteresting chapter...lots of ups and downs...I liked it...very realistic...I hope her dad shows up... '“Oh, and if I get any wind that you’ve do[ne] another A+ project...'
under the influence 2008-05-06 ch 7,	abuseI liked this chapter...you have a way of making your characters Christian but real...keep it up!
lux perpetua 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseInteresting idea for an opening chapter. I'm really getting a sense of your main character's... character, I suppose.
under the influence 2008-04-15 ch 6,	abuseI'm glad SOMEONE was nice to her--even if it is a teacher... can Michelle get run over by a hummer or something? bats eyelashes
under the influence 2008-04-10 ch 5,	abuseI like the way you've set this story up...with the diary entries and action descriptions being different chaps...the one thing I really don't care for is the language...but I realize that it's part of who Christy is and that's important to the story... keep up the good work! :)Kat
under the influence 2008-04-10 ch 4,	abuseThat was definitely my favorite chapter so far...all the characters that Christy ran into remind me of my friends...maybe she'll go on the retreat?
under the influence 2008-04-09 ch 2,	abusepoor girl...
under the influence 2008-04-09 ch 1,	abuseinteresting first look at Christy...in a funny way, reading about her hatred of herself reminds me of why I hated myself for so many years...not that much has changed, but it depends on the day... 'And I don’t think he wants to, either.' I think you need a 'be' after the 'to'.
Maranwe Telrunya 2007-03-22 ch 4,	abuseYours is the first (for lack of a better word) "Preachy" message I've read and not been frustrated by the dryness of the message or the total wishywashyness of it. It was really good. I liked this chapter a lot ~KB
Maranwe Telrunya 2007-03-22 ch 3,	abuseOkay, one thing I was going to mention in the last chapter : you call her "the rogue" just about every other paragraph, and it's REALLY repetitive... and kinda annoying... I wish I knew the four friends. KB

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