Reviews for Color Me - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Color Me - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

no.peace.los.angeles 2006-10-10 ch 4,	abuseOnce again, another fantastic piece. I like how you take us from this scene on a condo to the hills and mountains in one swoop, and then back to the condo just as fast as you took us away. The end line was simply perfect - comparing the weather to the change in attitude of the narrator was a great choice. These were just fantastic and I really enjoyed reading them. Keep writing! :)
no.peace.los.angeles 2006-10-10 ch 3,	abuseWow. That was incredibly intense. I found myself holding my breath towards the end, wondering what happened to the boys. I think the POV you've used in this piece works very well, because then you get inside the boy's head during the running, and how you'd think of crazy things when you're in a situation that seems so unreal. Reminds me of a line in the song "Me and a Gun" by Tori Amos, where she says, "Do you know Carolina, where the biscuits are soft and sweet/These things go through your head when there's a man on your back." (That song is about when she was raped, btw.) Very nice work with this one. Keep writing! :)
no.peace.los.angeles 2006-10-10 ch 2,	abuseI like this story even better than the first one. You didn't waste time restating things we already knew, and you had enough details in it to make the story one of a kind, like the fact that he listened to Depeche Mode and the part about sitting on the bus, how the back of the bus was the "cool" part (it's so true! everyone thinks that way). Nice job with this. Keep writing! :)
no.peace.los.angeles 2006-10-10 ch 1,	abuseI like this. The end of the chapter actually surprised me. You made it appear that London hated Kyle, and then at the end, bring up the fact that they had a relationship in the past and something must have gone wrong. While your descriptions of events and details are good, I worry that they might be a bit much at times, such as the first paragraph, which just says in about 5 ways that she fell in a puddle. Once it's said, leave it at that, unless you have a really interesting way to keep the reader's attention. Nonetheless, I like this so far, and I'm going to finish reading it right now. Keep writing! :)
Forward and Apart 2006-03-04 ch 1,	abuseI love chapter one, I cant really explain why, but it was just so cute!CrazyGrin "-I choked on smoke, staggering backwards. My eyes found somebody’s brown hair occupying the balcony below. She was strung out over a blue plastic lawn chair, dragging a cigarette to her chapped lips in-between death rattling hacks and coughs with so much smoke rising she must have lit three at once. I wanted to scream at her, Why are you ruining my perfect morning with your choking on a stupid fag that’ll probably kill you in five years anyway!? Give me my damn moment!" ^ Loved that too, it was so funny! I could actually imagine this, and see the frustration in the writing. Update again soon!
Sarah-Brighteyes 2006-03-02 ch 4,	abuseDear aslan, this was very insightful. I guess you see things from a different pov when you read things. I love the environmental awareness underlying this in subtle tones. I also loved your last line, "The rain turned to snow" Geesh that was perfect. It gave me such a vivid image of what exactly the effect that the smoke had on the character. It goes from something wet and slippery to something more solid.. more noticible and thick. I really liked this shorty. Please keep writing so I have lots to read hehe!
hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-02-22 ch 4,	abuse-The rain turned to snow.- Mm, again, the perfect closing line. Another sad little piece, even though you never tell us what's going on. The feeling in it really comes across though. I know a lady who is in her seventies, suffers from a horrible chronic cough that's probably going to end up being much worse, and she still smokes constantly. It makes me feel really helpless. People will insist on killing themselves if it feels good doing it.
hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-02-22 ch 3,	abuse-It was a brand new camera, digital and everything. The pinnacle of photographic technology, earned the old fashion way: blood, sweat, tears, and a summer of saying “Do you want fries with that?”-LOL Wow, this story is heavy. I can't believe I didn't see that coming from the moment they went up on the tracks, though. So are you saying these boys both survived, for real? That's amazing. Truly amazing! I absolutely loved your title-- and along with that, the last line. Perfect. The action part of this piece was stunning. My heart was in my throat. You do such an awesome job with these short stories!! I'm very impressed!
hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-02-22 ch 2,	abuse"He smiled sadly and stepped out into reality." Oh man. Sad! :( I know a guy by the same name. A guy I used to be crazy about. But God had other plans. Better plans, I know-- but it still stings just a little bit, to remember. This is another very set story, but much sadder. I love how you make us care about these characters, in so very few words. That is talent!
hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-02-22 ch 1,	abuse"London’s brown eyes narrowed, giving him a look that would make a lesser man internally combust from sheer fright."LOLOL This was so cute. And kinda sad. And then, at the ending, just cute again. ;) It was also quite well-written. I don't think I've read any of your prose before. You have a knack for it!! And I think the Scottish accent was decent. Actually the "yehs" really helped me in being able to hear his voice. Kyle is too cute. ;) “I fell.”“Who fells in puddles?”“Who puts a puddle where someone is going to walk?”“Who walks in the middle of the street?” Ahaha, I love that exchange so much! Too hilarious!
Sarah-Brighteyes 2005-10-22 ch 3,	abuseWow... I guess my heart raced with this piece. You brought me from a place where I started to care about the characters. I think we all get slightly attatched to them. And then a tragedy occurs so suddenly...and you can almost feel that something will happen... and you dont want it to, but it does and it makes this story all the more powerful. I guess thats where the sadness comes in. I alsmot thought the endnote was interesting. The fact this was inspired is a caution and makes it almost chilling. Bravo on another very well written piece Aslan. You tend you keep me wanting more smile Write on!!
violetsky23 2005-10-22 ch 3,	abusewow, that's so creepy. i thought both of them would die. i like your writing. keep it up!
violetsky23 2005-10-22 ch 2,	abuseah, the limbo of forbidden love..good job.
violetsky23 2005-10-22 ch 1,	abuseo, i like. so sweet. and the scottish accent was a good idea.
Grey Eyed Oblivion 2005-10-20 ch 3, anon.	abuseI'm so far behind. Two chaptets uploaded. OMG, thats a horrible thing to happen, especially with someone you know.. Beautifully written. Good Job!

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