Good job! I congradulate anyone who could stick to meter and rhyme such as this. For the most part it flowed very well. However, in some places the thought was slowed and/or halted by how you spaced the phrases. Overall truly enjoyable. In similar comparison(mainly in style), you should read Edgar Allen Poe's Alone. I think you'd be able to appreciate it.

Overall, very spiffy indeed. The almost perfect rhythm really helps keep this moving even though it's long, just like a dancing circle...very nice technique. The repetition in certain rhymes seems to fit as well, with the never-ending repeating dancing circle...you've made that image quite prominent.

I can't put my finger on why I like your wording so much...there's something that flows, the mist and the wind and light imagery, I think youre using many poetic devices at once to get this effect, and you may not even be conscious of it. Some of the best poems are those where the author unconsciously employs a mix of devices; that's what I've found in my own, anyway.

There is one section that seems like the rhythm broke a little, though...the section beginning with "the half-seen, fading folk" seems like a skip in a record somehow. I think it's how you used the word "concentric" in there, it's scientific among all the natural and ethereal imagery, and it doesn't fit in either image or meter. That breaks it up, and it stays broken...I see why. You changed the meter suddenly about halfway through that section, and only return to the original at "arises at that quickening." From there onwards it's back to the way that seems right, that flowing sing-song that holds the whole picture together.

If you can edit that one section, this would make an amazing song. It's a beautiful piece, and it's begging to be perfected. :)

Excellent work! A rare gem amongst all the teen angst generally found on this site. I will follow up soon with a proper review, 'cuz currently it is the middle of the exams...

This is a really good poem. The quality is good and it's beautiful. ^_^ Good job. Keep up the good work.

You pulled this off very well. This is a style that is hard to use successfully, so I applaud you.

-simpleton