it's...different. That one part, "This is my/unrelenting story" doesn't quite fit in, but if you were to change unrelenting to something with less syllables then it would fit in much better. I'm not quite sure how you find the inspiration for your poems, or your style of writing, but I'll tell you-I love it. It's much better, easier, more beautiful-just...better, in my opinion, than the typical styles of writing. You skip rhyming patterns, you indicate abstract thoughts and solid figures, and tie it all together in the end with a line that will leave the reader sighing and yet craving to read more. I'm not sure how you do it, but it's supurb. Fantastic job on this one. I feel like reading poetry, so I'm going to read more. I really do love your style of writing poems.

Ooh-good one- this is definatly being added to my favorite-poems list. Like that part "as time passes tighter still"-muchos excellente. Def. v.v. deep. Abreviations are the bomb. :-D

lovely good rhyming in odd places, but it had flow good work

keep writing!