This is definitely one of the best poems I've read on this site for a VERY long time. The imagery is wonderfully developed and the idea itself is amazing. I love this!

Fave lines:

I would reach out and touch them but I'm afraid of losing my balance / Tumbling off the edge of the world and losing my hold on you

AND

Where the scent of thunder and wet concrete almost overpowers me and I fall to my knees / But you put your hands to my face and kiss me deep, stealing my breath / I feel listless and drunk and stupid as raindrops bruise my flesh with their own harsh kiss / My flames are extinguished, drenched out by the rain and by you / I'm still drowning in you / I'm always drowning in you

The contrast between the flames and the rain and the roughness and the tenderness of love...I feel very scholastic right now and could blab on for ages actually. I wish they'd have a poem like this to do for our exams in school...it would be so much more fun than what they make us do!!

EXCELLENT WORK! *awards gold star of the month*

I think this is pretty good. There was some really nice imagery in here, but it got excessive. The whole piece was like a narration of an event seen through your eyes, without any... elaborate depth, maybe, is the phrase I'm looking for? It was sort of narrow, you didn't branch out, didn't give any background, any explanation beyond the blatently stated. If you like the way its written, and its not written badly at all, it just gets old pretty fast, so you might try shortening it, getting your point in without being so verbose about it. But really, not terrible at all, these are just a few suggestions.